IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You would like t reduce your working hours in order to study part time. write a letter to your boss. explain why you want to reduce your working hours. say which hows you would like to work, describe how your part-time studies world kenefit your employer.

#hours #study #part #time #boss #hows #work #studies #world #kenefit #employer
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Dear Mr. White, I am writing to regard my working schedule change from full-time to part-time. My name is Amanda Zhou, I have been working as a teacher for 5 years. As a matter of fact, I have been an outstanding English teacher at your school for 3 years.
However
, at the moment, I want to reduce my work time to 25 hours from 35 hours a week as I will study French. I believe that the French will become a highlight as an international school.
In addition
, most parents hope their children to learn the second language based on their feedback.
Therefore
, I argue that French classes will bring students more opportunities to increase the school's reputation.
As a result
, I need your support, because it is significant for me. I know my work is extremely busy every day. I will greatly appreciate it if you can agree to work 4 hours from Monday to Friday from 8:00am-1:00 pm. I will study every afternoon. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours Sincerely,
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider providing more specific examples of how your French studies will benefit the school and your role. You could expand on the feedback you mentioned from parents.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Consider linking the reasons for reducing work hours more directly to how it benefits both you and the school.
task achievement
You maintained a formal and polite tone throughout the letter, which is suitable for addressing your boss.
coherence cohesion
The letter has clear paragraphs that divide the introduction, explanation, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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