IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people think that museums and galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. Do you agree?

#people #museums #galleries #show #work #artists #countries
Nowadays, a lot of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 opinions are foreign artists wouldn’t manifest their
master piece
Correct your spelling
masterpiece
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
, and galleries. They say “
only
Capitalize word
Only
show examples
 come from specific realm
artist
 can show their
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
.” I completely disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it.
However
, ı think art is global,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 it shows new cultures to us. İnitialy many math
formula
Fix the agreement mistake
formulas
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
arose
 from İndia, rather than, Paper and some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
 tools
Add a missing verb
were firstly
show examples
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 made in
Chine
Correct your spelling
China
show examples
. The list is too long. All of these make us
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more clever and optimistic because of the cultural trade.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, if we share
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our cultures
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other, we can increase humanity process. Actually education and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
Add a missing verb
are influence
show examples
influence
Replace the word
influenced
show examples
 because of these. İn the
history
, artists worked
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other, and
also
 results always
suprised
Correct your spelling
surprised
 everybody.
On the other hand
, range has
Correct article usage
a
show examples
major role
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
museums
,
also
 experts try to collect different types master piece from
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 create
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new brands of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. The Times press announced to range of
arts
 are teaching a lot of things to
visiters
Correct your spelling
visitors
show examples
. İn addition, they say classical
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of galleries and
museums
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have many
award
Change to a plural noun
awards
show examples
 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and Unicef. “The
History
 of Science Museum” took a ‘Best Museum of Word’
reward
Correct your spelling
award
show examples
last
 week. On the other side
,”
Correct article usage
, the” History
show examples
History
 of Books Museum” couldn’t take any reword yet because of
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. Actually, the
History
 of Book Museum
hasn’t
Verb problem
doesn’t
show examples
 have much range of
arts
 and
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
. In conclusion, ı mentioned
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 and foreign
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
,
also
, their effect
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 art
museums
 and galleries.
Submitted by turkogluahmetonur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly by using paragraphs to separate different points. For instance, each paragraph could address a different reason or example supporting your viewpoint.
task achievement
Try to develop each idea fully with specific examples and explanations. This will help in making your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to the grammar and vocabulary to ensure accuracy and clarity. Small errors can sometimes make it difficult to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and attempts to support it with examples of cultural exchange and global influence.
coherence cohesion
You provide a conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed, which is effective in wrapping up your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural Heritage
  • Regional Culture
  • Economic Benefits
  • Local Talent
  • Authentic Local Art
  • Diverse Perspectives
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Balanced Approach
  • Cultural Exchange
  • Artistic Styles
  • Innovations
  • Global Reputation
  • Exhibitions
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Unique Aspects
  • Educational Experience
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Tolerance
  • Stimulating the Economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: