There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.

Studying academic
lessons
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
to achieve them. Some people think that other relaxing
lessons
must not be on student's schedule. In my opinion, relaxing
lessons
are
Verb problem
should
show examples
always be in the school.
This
essay
mentiones
Correct your spelling
mentioned
mentions
about the
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
lessons
staying. First of all, not academic
lessons
make
students
relaxed and they can make
students
to
concantrade
Correct your spelling
concentrate
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
strong
lessons
.
For instance
, academic
lessons
are so boring and they need some
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
. If they provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success, life is not going to be in a meaning.
Students
do not have to be successful in academic ones. They can discover their abilities in
a not academic ones
Correct the article-noun agreement
not academic ones
a not academic one
show examples
. When they are sad or they are not elated
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
unsuccessfulity
Correct your spelling
unsuccessfully
unsuccessful
, they can get recharge to
concantrade
Correct your spelling
concentrate
.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, they can want to achieve other abilities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
keep
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
For example
, if
students
can
do exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
or Cook something they can learn.
On the other hand
,
students
can get
socilized
Correct your spelling
socialized
socialised
with their friends. We do not only want them to work on academic
lessons
. Sometimes, they need to be relaxed. İn conclusion, academic
lessons
are very significant but if we
wnat
Correct your spelling
want
students
to be successful, they can do some relaxing
lessons
.
Non academic
Add a hyphen
Non-academic
show examples
lessons
are
also
important for the
students
. They are not like a robot. They taste their life in a good way.
Submitted by denizkevser08 on

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Try to develop your ideas with more clarity and detail to ensure that your arguments are clear and easy to follow. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of accuracy in spelling and grammar, as some of the errors may impede understanding (e.g. "dicipline" should be "discipline," "concantrate" should be "concentrate").
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the response effectively.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your arguments, which added depth and understanding to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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