IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Studying academic
lessons
Use synonyms
 needs
discipline
Change the article
the discipline
show examples
 to achieve them. Some people think that other relaxing
lessons
Use synonyms
 must not be on student's schedule. In my opinion, relaxing
lessons
Use synonyms
 should always be in the school.
This
Linking Words
 essay mentions
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the non-academic
lessons
Use synonyms
staying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. First of all, not academic
lessons
Use synonyms
 make
students
Use synonyms
 relaxed and they can make
students
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
concentrate on other strong
lessons
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, academic
lessons
Use synonyms
 are so boring and they need some discipline. If they provide success, life is not going to be in a meaning.
Students
Use synonyms
 do not have to be successful in academic ones. They can discover their abilities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not academic ones. When they are sad or they are not elated about unsuccessfully, they can get recharge to concentrate.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can want to achieve other abilities to keep
minds
Correct pronoun usage
their minds
show examples
 healthy.
For example
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 can exercise or Cook something they can learn.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
socialized
Wrong verb form
socialise
show examples
 with their friends. We do not only want them to work on academic
lessons
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, they need to be relaxed. İn conclusion, academic
lessons
Use synonyms
 are very significant but if we want
students
Use synonyms
 to be successful, they can do some relaxing
lessons
Use synonyms
. Non-academic
lessons
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 important for the
students
Use synonyms
. They are not like a robot. They taste their life in a good way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Organize your ideas more effectively by separating distinct points into individual paragraphs. This will help maintain a clear logical structure throughout the essay.
support
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help to clearly illustrate your points.
idea development
Make sure to elaborate on your points more comprehensively, discussing both sides of the argument where applicable, to improve the depth of your task response.
structure
You have effectively provided a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a strong framework.
clarity
Your main idea that non-academic subjects are beneficial is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay.
relevance
You have shown an awareness of the need to balance academic and non-academic subjects for a well-rounded education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: