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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Studying academic
lessons
 needs
discipline
Change the article
the discipline
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 to achieve them. Some people think that other relaxing
lessons
 must not be on student's schedule. In my opinion, relaxing
lessons
 should always be in the school.
This
 essay mentions
about
Change preposition
apply
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the non-academic
lessons
staying
Verb problem
apply
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. First of all, not academic
lessons
 make
students
 relaxed and they can make
students
to
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apply
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concentrate on other strong
lessons
.
For instance
, academic
lessons
 are so boring and they need some discipline. If they provide success, life is not going to be in a meaning.
Students
 do not have to be successful in academic ones. They can discover their abilities
in
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apply
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not academic ones. When they are sad or they are not elated about unsuccessfully, they can get recharge to concentrate.
Additionally
, they can want to achieve other abilities to keep
minds
Correct pronoun usage
their minds
show examples
 healthy.
For example
, if
students
 can exercise or Cook something they can learn.
On the other hand
,
students
 can
get
Verb problem
apply
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socialized
Wrong verb form
socialise
show examples
 with their friends. We do not only want them to work on academic
lessons
. Sometimes, they need to be relaxed. İn conclusion, academic
lessons
 are very significant but if we want
students
 to be successful, they can do some relaxing
lessons
. Non-academic
lessons
 are
also
 important for the
students
. They are not like a robot. They taste their life in a good way.
Submitted by denizkevser08 on

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organization
Organize your ideas more effectively by separating distinct points into individual paragraphs. This will help maintain a clear logical structure throughout the essay.
support
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help to clearly illustrate your points.
idea development
Make sure to elaborate on your points more comprehensively, discussing both sides of the argument where applicable, to improve the depth of your task response.
structure
You have effectively provided a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a strong framework.
clarity
Your main idea that non-academic subjects are beneficial is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay.
relevance
You have shown an awareness of the need to balance academic and non-academic subjects for a well-rounded education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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