Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantages people like unemployment and homeless in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
unemployment and homeless people, some people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should not send any international aid. I
am totally disagree
Change the verb form
totally disagree
show examples
with
this
argument, because every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
should help each other. Every
nation
has two
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
of
businesess
Correct your spelling
businesses
business
which
inside
Add a missing verb
are inside
show examples
of their own
country
and outside of their
country
. These two types of
businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
challenges
Change the noun form
challenge
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
every
nation
, and every
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to overcome every
challenges
Change to a singular noun
challenge
show examples
.
Helps
Wrong verb form
Helping
show examples
another
country
is a must for every government. Not only helps
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
any purposes and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, but
also
a moral and humanity aspect. To be remember, the fortune is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
always
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
our side. Sometimes we need another
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
also
.
From the
Change preposition
The
show examples
good things that we do for another
nation
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may turn back to us whenever we need something from another
country
in the future. Indeed, every
nation
has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
own problem. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that,
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
each other during their crisis is a must. Governance should build a strong performance to overcome
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in their own
country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and keep the duties as the world community.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
very possible
if
Correct word choice
for
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
community can help
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
to solve their problem. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, every
country
has their own problems and every governance should overcome all of the problems. And we cannot forget, that we
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
as an world
communities
Correct the article-noun agreement
community
show examples
. Based on that, we should help each other. Because
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the good things we share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
gonna
Wrong verb form
are going to
show examples
give us
another good things
Replace the adjective
another good thing
other good things
show examples
in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
future,
such
as friendships and peace.
Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and consider using transition words or phrases to enhance the coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Try to clarify your main ideas and make sure they are directly related to the topic at hand. This can be achieved by revising and focusing your statements.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue at hand and states your position. This provides a solid foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed both aspects of the argument, acknowledging domestic issues while supporting international aid.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your points and reinforces your main argument about the importance of international aid.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: