IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for average people. Is it a negative or positive statement.

#countries #sports #facilities #athletes #people
In some parts of the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 they tailored
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
 utilities for champion athletes but not for normal humans. In my opinion, it is a negative statement. The government should not spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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all
finances
Correct pronoun usage
its finances
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 because there are not only
sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in need of citizens but
also
 they need other services including health insurance, learning
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for students,and local
transportation
 improvements. On the one hand, human beings are demanding modernized facilities and they are working, studying training in luxury areas.Increasing numbers of
sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are in use
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 sportsmen in their daily routine. The reason for
this
,
Add a missing verb
is
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they are away from
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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. They regularly train in order to keep fit.
For instance
, in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of my
hometown
Add a comma
hometown,
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 there are a lot of
sports
 destinations
which
Correct word choice
where
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 my friends and
me
Change the pronoun
I
show examples
 go
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
 together, even the well-known boxer KHABIB went to
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
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 I am
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
.
On the other hand
,citizens utilize more hospitals, banks , educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, and parks rather than
sports
 facilities. Because in society there are more patients, learners and students. Individuals use
transportation
 conveyance
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every morning.
For example
, the amount of transport users are rising significantly by 45% In my view, all finances should not
invest
Wrong verb form
be invested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
sports
 utilities
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
there are more needs than
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Hospitals, learning
centers
 ,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
show examples
 systems are used by people. By the way of conclusion, the government is investing money in the field of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 rather than education or health terms.
However
, I think that finance should be contributed to learning
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, and daily
transportation
 improvements in need of consumers regularly.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Consider explicitly separating ideas to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and uses supporting examples or explanations to fully develop it.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples provided are closely connected to the main argument to strengthen its relevance.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the importance of investing in hospitals, learning centers, and transportation as crucial needs for citizens.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear conclusion that re-emphasizes your viewpoint adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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