IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for average people. Is it a positive or negative impact.

#countries #sports #facilities #athletes #people #impact
In some parts of the world, they tailored sports utilities for champion athletes but not for normal humans. In my opinion, it is a negative statement. The government should not spend all its finances because there are not only athletics centres in need of citizens but
also
 they need other services including health insurance, learning stations for students,and local transit improvements. On the one hand, human beings are demanding modernized facilities and they are working, studying training in luxury areas.Increasing numbers of festivity facilities are in use by sportsmen in their daily routine. The reason for
this
 is, they are away from being overweight. They regularly train in order to keep fit.
For instance
, in the city centre of my hometown, there are a lot of enterprise destinations where my friends and I go train together, even the well-known boxer KHABIB went to the play centre where I am practising.
On the other hand
,citizens utilize more hospitals, banks , educational hubs, and parks rather than diversion facilities.It is not essential for society to be many champions they need professional job owners,
Correct article usage
an
show examples
enhanced transport network and ideal offices to work or study.Because in society there are more patients, learners and students. Individuals use mobility conveyance every morning.
For example
, the amount of transport users are rising significantly by 45% In my view, all finances should not be invested in amusement utilities
instead
 there are more needs than . Hospitals, learning axes,and transportation systems are used by people. By the way of conclusion, the government is investing money in the field of distraction rather than education or health terms.
However
, I think that finance should be contributed to learning , and daily shipping improvements in need of consumers regularly.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Clarify and expand on key points to strengthen the argument. At times, the ideas are not fully developed, particularly regarding the consequences of investing in facilities for only top athletes versus the general public.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas. The transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother to create a more coherent narrative.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. You made clear arguments about why investing solely in top athletes is negative for society.
coherence cohesion
A well-structured introduction and conclusion are present, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing your thoughts effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as mentioning a famous boxer, effectively supports your arguments and makes them more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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