IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people think that cometition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing others believe that we should cooprate more rather than competing against each other . discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #cometition #work #school #life #cooprate
There is a perspective that having competition in educational space or workplace could be beneficial for individuals to try harder and achieve more goals in their lives;
however
, some people argue that being under the pressure of
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 atmosphere would be harmful so we should be more cooperative with each other. I believe that the former idea should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 as a good stress making people go beyond their limits. In most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 we can consider that a little bit of excitement, which competitions bring, can
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a positive role
to encourage
Change preposition
in encouraging
show examples
 us
attempting
Change the verb form
to attempt
show examples
 more and
consequently
 become more successful in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 of our lives.
For instance
, imagine a business run by numerous companies; the leaders would provide their employees with better perks and benefits to satisfy them in order to work harder which makes their company
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take all
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 in their hands in that special field of business.
Thus
, not only would employees have the opportunity
of making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 more income ,
that
Correct word choice
but that
show examples
 firm would
be
Rephrase
also be
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of the market.
However
, being
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stressful job and study situation could make many
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
feel disappointed about themselves when they lose the match ;
besides
, some individuals
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 to perform better and group work brings them a more friendly interconnection with their peers and colleagues.
For example
 , in schooling
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
condition
Add a comma
condition,
show examples
 if students help each other both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
, the helper and the one who gets help, would experience
a better interactions
Correct the article-noun agreement
better interactions
a better interaction
show examples
. In conclusion, being in
race
Correct article usage
a race
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us face more challenges much more strongly than ever
although
 we should not dismiss
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 and its good impact on some people’s performance.
Submitted by mitra.ashrafi.ma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to address both perspectives equally in the discussion before focusing on your personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance structure.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly introduces the topic and presents both viewpoints.
relevant specific examples
Uses specific examples, such as the workplace and schooling conditions, to illustrate points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents a balanced opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: