Some people say that professional work like doctor and teacher great contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays society says that employees working in the
education
and medical fields need higher salaries than others like athletics and entertainment.This
essay totally agrees with this
statement , because the working hours
are longer and the job is difficult.
On the one hand, the working hours
for the medical and education
system are way more the sports field.For example
, the nurses in use mostly work for 12 hours
daily .In contrast
the sport work only two days each week.On top of that the education
teacher will work from home to prepare for tomorrow's class , and this
will be very stressful for them and they need a high salary for these hours
.
On the other hand
, medical and education
jobs are very difficult and need to be focused 100 per cent.For instance
, some ER doctors will receive more than 50 patients daily around 10 at the same time .Furthermore
, there is not enough staff to help them.Moreover
, education
nowadays is stressful because students are more stubborn like the old generation , so it's very complicated to deal with them.
To conclude
, the health and education
fields are more important to society than sports, and they need more support and a rise in salary to make our health future better.Submitted by sarah on
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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples or data to substantiate your points. Specific examples make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear connection between points to enhance coherence. You can use linking words to create seamless transitions.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and an effective conclusion, summarizing your position well.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies key points about extended working hours and job difficulty in the medical and education fields.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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