You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Over the
last
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few years,
by
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with
show examples
developing technology, people have not
required
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been required
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to enter their personal
informotaion
Correct your spelling
information
on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
including names, phone numbers and
son
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so
show examples
on, at each
enterance
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entrance
to any
websites
Fix the agreement mistake
website
show examples
, they save their data
just
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with just
show examples
by
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apply
show examples
one
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click. I believe
this
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option could be
usefull
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useful
and effective,
However
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, advanced tech always brings convenience and difficulty simultaneously,
we
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so we
show examples
should treat
wisely
Correct pronoun usage
it wisely
show examples
.
By looking
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Looking
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at the positive side,
one
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of the most significant advantages is
consuming-
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consuming time
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time
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, nowadays people
does
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do
show examples
not need to allocate a long
time
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to fill blanks in for any registrations
or
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apply
show examples
ordering productions or shipping parcels, so they can spend their
time
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on
the
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apply
show examples
other tasks that
more
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are more
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urgent.
For example
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,
imaginening
Verb problem
imagine that
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someone wants to apply for
phd
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PhD
program at some
universities
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university
show examples
, how much
time
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should be devoted
for fill
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to filling
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in
one
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application rather than only
one
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click to over
.
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?
show examples
On the other side,
negative
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the negative
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aspect
,
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apply
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must be
considerned
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considered
, on the internet, there are a lot of scams, people must pay more attention to
address
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the address
show examples
of the sites and other factors if they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
check
required
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the required
show examples
security, they might be hacked or even loss their money,
For instance
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, someone tend to buy some items from amazon and being connected to payments page,
then
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the order
submited
Correct your spelling
submitted
while
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, hacker has all of banks information like card number,
cvv
Correct your spelling
CVV
and expiration date. what was
a
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the
show examples
problem? the address was -amazon.
To sum up
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, advanced tec that could be
comfort
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comfortable
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and prevent
to waste
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wasting
show examples
time
Use synonyms
if individuals review any security tips before doing any action. from my perspective, the benefits of the development of the technology eventually outweigh any drawbacks.
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your main argument or point.
task achievement
Be careful with word choice and avoid unclear or unnecessary expressions, making sure your ideas are expressed clearly.
task achievement
Use clear and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that appropriately frames your essay.
task achievement
The essay discusses both positive and negative aspects of putting personal information online, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You have attempted to support your points with examples, which enhances the specificity of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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