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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that modern technology has enhanced sociable behaviour, but others think it has reduced social interactions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many
people
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 argue that modern
technology
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 has enhanced social behaviour,
while
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 others believe that it has reduced social interactions. In my opinion, advanced
technology
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 has united us globally
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 has
also
Linking Words
 made us less connected to the
people
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 around us. On the one hand, it is now possible to make a video call to anyone in the world.
Therefore
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, distance is no longer a major barrier to building connections. It used to take two weeks to send a letter from Germany to someone in the United States. Nowadays, we can connect with
friends
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 and family instantly. Not only that, but building connections with strangers who share the same opinions and beliefs is easier than ever.
Thus
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, modern
technology
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 has had a significant impact on forming relationships across the globe.
On the other hand
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, being able to connect with anyone, anywhere, from your phone has made us less sociable with the
people
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 around us.
Due to
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 the availability of sharing information and making
friends
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 online, many
people
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 lack the motivation to start friendships with those nearby.
This
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 is because it is often easier to find others with similar beliefs online than in one’s local environment.
As a result
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, there are fewer real-life social interactions, and some individuals feel lonely even when they have many online
friends
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, as it is difficult to form deep relationships over the internet.
This
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 shows that having
friends
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 outside of the internet is very important for one’s mental health and well-being.
Therefore
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, advanced
technology
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 has made
people
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 less sociable in their immediate surroundings. In conclusion,
while
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 modern
technology
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 has connected us globally, it has made us less sociable with the
people
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 in our daily lives. I firmly believe that as long as
people
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 do not forget the importance of personal relationships, new technologies can help us become more socially connected
overall
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.

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Task Achievement
Work on making your points more clear by adding examples that support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use linking words more effectively to make your ideas flow better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and strong.
Task Achievement
You have expressed both views well and provided good reasons for your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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