IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending foue secondary school types between 2000 and 2009

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending foue secondary school types between 2000 and 2009
#proportions #pupils #foue #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given table illustrates the rate of students joining four secondary school types namely
Specialist
Use synonyms
Schools
Use synonyms
, Grammar
Schools
Use synonyms
, Voluntary-controlled
Schools
Use synonyms
, and Community
Schools
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, pupils paid the greatest attention to voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
reveal
Wrong verb form
revealed
show examples
 the lowest figure over the
give
Change the verb form
given
show examples
 period. A closer look at the table clearly shows that in 200, students
choosen
Correct your spelling
chose
 the highest percentage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
, at 52%, but
then
Linking Words
 decreased significantly to 20% in 2009. The proportion of people attending grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 declined mildly by 5% between 2000 and 2005,
then
Linking Words
 continued its downward trend to 12% in 2009. In 2000,
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 and community
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 had the same rate of pupils going to study,
was
Correct pronoun usage
which was
show examples
 12%. But later,
specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 witnessed a slight decrease of 2% in the percentage of students joining in the survey period
while
Linking Words
 the figure for community
schools
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
increased
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 rapidly from 12% to 58% over a period of 9 years
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words specialist, schools with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: