IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts present the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie charts present the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
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The given pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of expenditure habits of individuals in the UK from 1971 to 2001. The data is calibrated in percentage. I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 features with relevant comparisons
further
Linking Words
.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these changes
displays
Correct subject-verb agreement
display
show examples
 a dramatic change in food consumption,
while
Linking Words
 car usage
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 significantly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending on books saw a notable decline by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, analysis shows a significant change in food expenditure over the given
period
Use synonyms
. In 1971, food consumption accounted for 44% of average expenses, which is nearly half of the total.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 segment
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 gradually by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
, with less than a fifth of the total output.
In addition
Linking Words
, car usage among UK citizens began at over a fifth and doubled by 2001.
Further
Linking Words
 analysing the paragraph, eating out in restaurants
also
Linking Words
 experienced growth, starting at 7% and
double
Replace the word
doubling
show examples
 by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. Other expenses
such
Linking Words
 as petrol and furniture comprised
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% and 9%, respectively, but decreased by 1-2%, collectively by the time.
Whereas
Linking Words
, books and computer
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 behaviour, where books decreased from 6% to 1%,
while
Linking Words
 computer spending
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by ten in one over the given
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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