Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In
this
day and age, some Individuals hold the view that the Linking Words
government
investment in the Use synonyms
arts
is a waste of Use synonyms
money
. others argue that Use synonyms
the
governments must invest Correct article usage
apply
this
Linking Words
money
in public Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
rather
. From my personal perspective, I agree to a certain extent that Rephrase
apply
money
must Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
in
public Change preposition
on
services
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
to in
the Change preposition
of on
arts
. Use synonyms
However
, there are some issues to consider, Both sides will be examined in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are a variety of beneficial aspects associated with investing Linking Words
money
in the Use synonyms
arts
. The primary and most crucial one is that presently, a vast number of individuals Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
mental health problems. In Correct article usage
apply
others
words, Correct quantifier usage
other
Correct article usage
a fast-pace
fast-pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
lifestyle
or Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
compettiveness
lead to depression, burnout, and anxiety, Correct your spelling
competitiveness
which
Correct word choice
and
arts
Use synonyms
such
as music and theatre Linking Words
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
contributer
to Correct your spelling
contributed
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
Linking Words
this
issues; Correct determiner usage
these
additionally
, Linking Words
it
can assist Correct pronoun usage
they
Add an article
the doctor
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
number
of people with mental health issues in the hospital. Students, Change the article
the number
for instance
, listen to music after Linking Words
read
a book to make themselves reduce Change the verb form
reading
undergo
tension. Another positive key factor is that the Verb problem
apply
arts
play Use synonyms
significant
role and represent Add an article
a significant
that
Correct word choice
apply
this
cultural identity. Linking Words
This
is Linking Words
due to
the fact that developed countries Linking Words
investment
in the Replace the word
invest
arts
to Use synonyms
promoting
a nation's culture, Wrong verb form
promote
the
Correct word choice
and the
government
can use art Use synonyms
entertrainment
to attract people and generate high incomes.
Correct your spelling
entertainment
On the contrary
, Linking Words
although
there are some benefits of investing Linking Words
money
in the Use synonyms
arts
, a number of favourable aspects of Use synonyms
invest
in public Change the form of the verb
investing
services
should be well-considered. The initial and most obvious one is that in developing countries investment in the Use synonyms
arts
is Use synonyms
unecessary
; Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
moreover
, the Linking Words
government
should spend Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
lay
a solid foundation for public Fix the infinitive
to lay
services
or basic needs in terms of public transportation, infrastructure, healthcare, and education which can lead to higher quality of life. Encouraging economic growth is the Use synonyms
last
advantage to be taken into account. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
Inveestment
in public Correct your spelling
investment
services
can lead to employment opportunities, which in turn boost economic productivity.
In conclusion, even though there are some advantages of investing Use synonyms
money
in the Use synonyms
arts
, I hold the view that the favourable aspects associated with Use synonyms
invest
in public Wrong verb form
investing
services
outweigh them. If Use synonyms
government
spend Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
for
basic needs, Change preposition
on
esspecially
in developing countries, it is almost certain that they can improve Correct your spelling
especially
quality
of Correct article usage
the quality
human's
life in their country.Change noun form
human
Submitted by t.shetthong on
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general
Try to minimize grammatical errors and typos, such as 'Individuals' should be 'individuals', and 'others words' should be 'in other words'. Additionally, there are several spelling mistakes, such as 'contributer' that should be 'contributor'. Review your text more carefully to catch such errors.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Provide clear transitions between sentences and ideas to ensure a smooth flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points and clarify your argument. For instance, you could mention a specific country or instance where arts funding has either positively impacted mental health or economic growth through cultural tourism.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, discussing both the benefits of investing in the arts and public services.
coherence and cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and summarize the key arguments.
task achievement
The essay discusses a variety of issues, such as mental health benefits and economic growth, showing an understanding of different implications.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example