Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmnents must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In
this
day and age, some Individuals hold the view that the government
investment in the arts
is a waste of money
. others argue that the
governments must invest Correct article usage
apply
this
money
in public services
rather
. From my personal perspective, I agree to a certain extent that Rephrase
apply
money
must spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
in
public Change preposition
on
services
instead
to in
the Change preposition
of on
arts
. However
, there are some issues to consider, Both sides will be examined in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are a variety of beneficial aspects associated with investing money
in the arts
. The primary and most crucial one is that presently, a vast number of individuals has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
mental health problems. In Correct article usage
apply
others
words, Correct quantifier usage
other
Correct article usage
a fast-pace
fast-pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
lifestyle
or Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
compettiveness
lead to depression, burnout, and anxiety, Correct your spelling
competitiveness
which
Correct word choice
and
arts
such
as music and theatre were
Unnecessary verb
apply
contributer
to Correct your spelling
contributed
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
this
issues; Correct determiner usage
these
additionally
, it
can assist Correct pronoun usage
they
Add an article
the doctor
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
number
of people with mental health issues in the hospital. Students, Change the article
the number
for instance
, listen to music after read
a book to make themselves reduce Change the verb form
reading
undergo
tension. Another positive key factor is that the Verb problem
apply
arts
play significant
role and represent Add an article
a significant
that
Correct word choice
apply
this
cultural identity. This
is due to
the fact that developed countries investment
in the Replace the word
invest
arts
to promoting
a nation's culture, Wrong verb form
promote
the
Correct word choice
and the
government
can use art entertrainment
to attract people and generate high incomes.
Correct your spelling
entertainment
On the contrary
, although
there are some benefits of investing money
in the arts
, a number of favourable aspects of invest
in public Change the form of the verb
investing
services
should be well-considered. The initial and most obvious one is that in developing countries investment in the arts
is unecessary
; Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
moreover
, the government
should spend money
lay
a solid foundation for public Fix the infinitive
to lay
services
or basic needs in terms of public transportation, infrastructure, healthcare, and education which can lead to higher quality of life. Encouraging economic growth is the last
advantage to be taken into account. Therefore
, Inveestment
in public Correct your spelling
investment
services
can lead to employment opportunities, which in turn boost economic productivity.
In conclusion, even though there are some advantages of investing money
in the arts
, I hold the view that the favourable aspects associated with invest
in public Wrong verb form
investing
services
outweigh them. If government
spend money
for
basic needs, Change preposition
on
esspecially
in developing countries, it is almost certain that they can improve Correct your spelling
especially
quality
of Correct article usage
the quality
human's
life in their country.Change noun form
human
Submitted by t.shetthong on
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general
Try to minimize grammatical errors and typos, such as 'Individuals' should be 'individuals', and 'others words' should be 'in other words'. Additionally, there are several spelling mistakes, such as 'contributer' that should be 'contributor'. Review your text more carefully to catch such errors.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Provide clear transitions between sentences and ideas to ensure a smooth flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points and clarify your argument. For instance, you could mention a specific country or instance where arts funding has either positively impacted mental health or economic growth through cultural tourism.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, discussing both the benefits of investing in the arts and public services.
coherence and cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position and summarize the key arguments.
task achievement
The essay discusses a variety of issues, such as mental health benefits and economic growth, showing an understanding of different implications.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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