In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The trend of engaging
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
jobs while
studying in school has
a topic of considerable debate. Some schools, provide assistance for teenagers to Verb problem
is
work
part-timely
and Correct your spelling
part-time
study
in
the same Change preposition
at
time
. In my opinion, I feel that promoting limited hours of working when study
has more advantages than its drawbacks.
Wrong verb form
studying
One
the one hand, young adolescents are able to earn extra Correct your spelling
On
money
when they work
and they can earn experience for future references. Mainly, having some amount of money
will contribute to ease
the financial pressure Change the verb form
easing
of
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the student’s
student’s
Change noun form
students’
family
, because education is not free in most countries. Fix the agreement mistake
families
Moreover
, due to
high competition in job
market, it is a huge advantage for students Add an article
the job
having
Change the verb form
to have
work
experience prior to graduation. Another positive impact from
Change preposition
of
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
work
is that student
can learn the value of Fix the agreement mistake
students
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
and how hard is to earn money
by working. So, they respect for
their parents, teachers and individuals who Change preposition
apply
work
effortlessly in their surrounding
. Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
This
is a
another positive feature of Remove the article
apply
student
engaging Add an article
the student
work
during their school Change preposition
in work
time
.
On the other hand
, having work
while
attending classes has some negative consequences such
as it may too
Add a missing verb
be too
tired
for the young students or their focus on Replace the word
tiring
study
may gradually decline because of more Wrong verb form
studying
interesting
in Replace the word
interest
earing
. As an Correct your spelling
eating
example
if Add a comma
example,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
work
in a busy café or showroom, they may fed up with home works
or Fix the agreement mistake
work
study
revisions. This
may cause them to give up on studies
and in Correct pronoun usage
their studies
worse
scenario, they may quit Correct article usage
a worse
the
Change the word
their
study
and engage Fix the agreement mistake
studies
Change preposition
in full
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
work
.
In conclusion, although
having a few negative issues from
Change preposition
with
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
works
, I believe that students should engage Correct subject-verb agreement
work
controlled
Change preposition
in controlled
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
jobs when they study
.Submitted by surangaprasad90 on
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task achievement
Consider strengthening your introduction by clearly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, use more specific and varied examples to better support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence. Using linking phrases can help improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Work on expanding and developing some points further to fully cover each aspect of the essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are logically presented, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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