IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below. You should write at least 150 words.

#report #university #lecturer #information
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The graph illustrates the ratio of smoking men and women in Someland between 1960 and 2000 based on a university lecturer.
Overall
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, we can see that the percentage of males who were smoking throughout the period is higher compared with females.
It is clear that
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 smoking became more popular among women,
while
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 for men
this
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 bad habit became less common by the end of the period. Focusing first on smoking women, in 1960, approximately 100 of them had
this
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 addiction,
while
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 by 1975 their proportion increased by 200 citizens. After that, females started to give up smoking, resulting in a decrease of 100 people by 2000. Regarding men, in 1960 smoking was an extremely common phenomenon among
this
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 proportion of the population, with 600 smokers.
However
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, throughout the following years, more and more males stopped
this
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 bad habit, so their number dropped steadily by 2000
,
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 when it was at the level of only roughly 250 smokers, which was nearly the same as for females.
Submitted by halynasmyk953 on

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Task Response
Although the report captures the key trends of the graph, try to offer more detailed descriptions or numerical changes ideally (e.g., gradual change over certain intervals).
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the connections between sentences are seamless, creating a more natural flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linkers and cohesive devices more strategically to improve the logical flow, particularly when discussing changes over the years.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider combining short sentences for greater coherence and readability, without losing detail.
Task Response
The report effectively highlights the overall trends in men's and women's smoking habits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writer establishes a clear comparative analysis between men and women.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion achieves a strong summary of the trends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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