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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #teenagers #jobs #school
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The trend of engaging in part-time jobs
while
Linking Words
 studying in school has been a topic of considerable debate. Some schools provide assistance for teenagers to
work
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 part-time and
study
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 at the same time. In my opinion, I feel that promoting limited hours of working when studying has more advantages than its drawbacks. On the one hand, young adolescents are able to earn extra
money
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 when they
work
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, and they can earn experience for future
references
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reference
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. Mainly, having some amount of
money
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 will contribute to easing the financial pressure on a student’s family because education is not free in most countries.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 high competition in the job market, it is a huge advantage for
students
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having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
work
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 experience prior to graduation. Another positive impact of part-time
work
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 is that
students
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 can learn the value of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
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 and how hard it is to earn
money
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 by working. So, they respect their parents, teachers, and individuals who
work
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 effortlessly in their surroundings.
This
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 is another positive feature of
students
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 engaging in
work
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 during their school time.
On the other hand
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, having
work
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while
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 attending classes has some negative consequences,
such
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 as being too tired for
the
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apply
show examples
young
students
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 or their focus on
study
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 may gradually decline because of more interesting activities. As an example, if
students
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work
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 in a busy café or showroom, they may get fed up with homework or
study
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 revisions.
This
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 may cause them to give up on
studies
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their studies
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, and in a worse scenario, they may quit
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 and engage in full-time
work
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a few negative issues with part-time
work
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, I believe that
students
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 should engage in controlled part-time jobs when they
study
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.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to elaborate more on the advantages and disadvantages of part-time work for teenagers with specific examples or studies to reinforce your points.
complete response
Ensure that the arguments presented are equally balanced by offering a similar depth of discussion for both advantages and disadvantages.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The writer provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
introduction conclusion present
Effective use of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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