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Band 6

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #teenagers #jobs #school
The trend of engaging in part-time jobs
while
 studying in school has been a topic of considerable debate. Some schools provide assistance for teenagers to
work
 part-time and
study
 at the same time. In my opinion, I feel that promoting limited hours of working when studying has more advantages than its drawbacks. On the one hand, young adolescents are able to earn extra
money
 when they
work
, and they can earn experience for future
references
Fix the agreement mistake
reference
show examples
. Mainly, having some amount of
money
 will contribute to easing the financial pressure on a student’s family because education is not free in most countries.
Moreover
,
due to
 high competition in the job market, it is a huge advantage for
students
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
work
 experience prior to graduation. Another positive impact of part-time
work
 is that
students
 can learn the value of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 and how hard it is to earn
money
 by working. So, they respect their parents, teachers, and individuals who
work
 effortlessly in their surroundings.
This
 is another positive feature of
students
 engaging in
work
 during their school time.
On the other hand
, having
work
while
 attending classes has some negative consequences,
such
 as being too tired for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
students
 or their focus on
study
 may gradually decline because of more interesting activities. As an example, if
students
work
 in a busy café or showroom, they may get fed up with homework or
study
 revisions.
This
 may cause them to give up on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
, and in a worse scenario, they may quit
the
Change the word
their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and engage in full-time
work
. In conclusion,
although
 there are a few negative issues with part-time
work
, I believe that
students
 should engage in controlled part-time jobs when they
study
.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to elaborate more on the advantages and disadvantages of part-time work for teenagers with specific examples or studies to reinforce your points.
complete response
Ensure that the arguments presented are equally balanced by offering a similar depth of discussion for both advantages and disadvantages.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The writer provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
introduction conclusion present
Effective use of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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