IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #prison #sentences
These days,
crime
 rates have increased significantly.
While
 many
people
 have the perspective that using long
prison
 sentences is the most effective solution to address
this
 issue, others claim that there are more effective alternative measures to deter
crime
. From my own viewpoint, I believe that we should use other alternative solutions
instead
 of
prison
 punishment. On the one hand, giving
prison
 sentences does wonders for the battle against
crime
.
Firstly
,
this
 method is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a deterrent for criminals. It helps criminals to know what will happen if they have wrong
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Therefore
, criminals will think carefully about whether they should be doing
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 things.
In addition
, a time in incarceration may help rehabilitate offenders.
This
 can be explained by the fact that
people
 use their time in
prison
 to think about their mistakes and feel remorse for their illegal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
As a result
, when being released, they will be afraid of engaging in some activities leading to criminality.
On the other hand
, there are many methods to address
this
 issue.
Firstly
,opening some classes,
delivering
Correct word choice
and delivering
show examples
 speeches relating to the law is a good method to help
people
 avoid engaging in evil.
This
 is because these classes will teach about the law,
praise
Correct word choice
and praise
show examples
people
’s awareness. So,
this
 prevents
people
 from breaking the law.
Moreover
, equipping more modern devices
such
 as cameras is
also
 a spectacular way.
For example
, when having more cameras on the street the criminal considering committing a
crime
 will be afraid.
Therefore
, the proportion of
crime
 will decrease significantly. In conclusion, using long
prison
 sentences is an effective measure to reduce
crime
.
However
, there are
also
 many solutions
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be taken to ensure the society.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
Develop the main ideas more thoroughly to ensure they are fully supported.
task achievement
Consider integrating more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and interest.
task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion by evenly weighing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linkers and cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with discernible paragraphs for different viewpoints.
task achievement
You provide reasoning for both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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