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Band 5.5

Some people say the best way to reduce crime is by using prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #prison #sentences
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These days,
crime
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 rates have increased significantly.
While
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 many
people
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 have the perspective that using long
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences is the most effective solution to address
this
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 issue, others claim that there are more effective alternative measures to deter
crime
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. From my own viewpoint, I believe that we should use other alternative solutions
instead
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 of
prison
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 punishment. On the one hand, giving
prison
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 sentences does wonders for the battle against
crime
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 method is considered
as
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apply
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a deterrent for criminals. It helps criminals to know what will happen if they have wrong
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Therefore
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, criminals will think carefully about whether they should be doing
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 things.
In addition
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, a time in incarceration may help rehabilitate offenders.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that
people
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 use their time in
prison
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 to think about their mistakes and feel remorse for their illegal
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
As a result
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, when being released, they will be afraid of engaging in some activities leading to criminality.
On the other hand
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, there are many methods to address
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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,opening some classes,
delivering
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and delivering
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 speeches relating to the law is a good method to help
people
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 avoid engaging in evil.
This
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 is because these classes will teach about the law,
praise
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and praise
show examples
people
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’s awareness. So,
this
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 prevents
people
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 from breaking the law.
Moreover
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, equipping more modern devices
such
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 as cameras is
also
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 a spectacular way.
For example
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, when having more cameras on the street the criminal considering committing a
crime
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 will be afraid.
Therefore
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, the proportion of
crime
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 will decrease significantly. In conclusion, using long
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences is an effective measure to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.
However
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, there are
also
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 many solutions
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be taken to ensure the society.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
Develop the main ideas more thoroughly to ensure they are fully supported.
task achievement
Consider integrating more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and interest.
task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion by evenly weighing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linkers and cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with discernible paragraphs for different viewpoints.
task achievement
You provide reasoning for both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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