IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar can

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar can
#process #sugar
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The diagram depicts the steps
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in producing white
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are harvested after ripening which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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takes one year to eighteen months. There are two methods of harvesting:
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
The first
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,
Add a missing verb
is, traditional
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traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 one that farmers cut
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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by
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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. And
second
Add a comma
second,
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 is using agricultural equipment
such
Linking Words
 as
combine
Add an article
the combine
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.
Then
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 using special machinery to
crushing
Wrong verb form
crush
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 the plant, the
juice
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
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 crane
gathered
Add a missing verb
was gathered
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 in a container by squeezing the inputs. In the next stage, a filter made with limestone is applied to purify the
juice
Use synonyms
.
Syrup
Add an article
The syrup
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 is the output of the next level. In an evaporator, cleaned
juice
Use synonyms
 is boiled until the
juice
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 becomes more concentrated by losing its water and turning to the syrup. Before the final step, a centrifuge, spinning significantly, segregates
sugar
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 crystals from the syrup.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
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 crystals are dried and cooled and are ready for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process of producing
sugar
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 consists of seven steps, and a remarkable
afford
Correct your spelling
effort
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 is required to bear the delicious good.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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