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Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor Do think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
It is very important that
citizens
 consider
this
 issue that doctors have spent many years of their life for studying at university and actually passing many technical lessons. So
someone
Add the comma(s)
, someone
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 who does not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 proficiency
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 treating
others
 or himself,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may endanger
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 health.
For instance
, a woman is complaining about some pain around her chest and her son comes and takes her some Codeines. But maybe it is a sign of
Correct article usage
a heart-attack
show examples
heart-attack
Correct your spelling
heart attack
show examples
 and he has
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 easily. Even
citizens
 should visit a doctor for
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
 from time to time. Maybe they have vitamin deficiency or do not have had.
Also
 if they consume
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
show examples
 which their
body
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not need it, leads to health problems.
Furthermore
,
citizens
 should consider
this
 issue, Having knowledge about medicine dosage is very important and it depends on many factors like age, weight, height and gender.
For example
, when infants catch a cold and have a fever, when a doctor visits them, first check their weight and
then
 advise how to consume a drop. If we use it more, it will be harmful. The
body
 of the old generation definitely varies against the
body
 of the young generation. Actually, a knowledgeable expert can dosage medicine for
others
 . In conclusion, it is so narrow-minded that usual
citizens
 advice to
others
 or use medicine without any efficiency. The best way to solve any problems is
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 help from skilled people. We should love our
body
 and take time for it so that we can show
this
 point by visiting a doctor.
Submitted by mozhdeh_yousefi on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide clear, relevant specific examples that directly support your main points. For instance, examples of alternative medicine practices and their effects could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clear logical connections between your points to improve the flow and structure. Use linking words such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'therefore' more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your response with an introduction and a conclusion, making your main argument clear from the beginning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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