Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday will be healthier and happier. However, many elderlies are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

#experts #people #time #exercise #elderlies #loneliness #lack #fitness

In today's world, adults and teenagers are concerned about their financial resources, image on social media and career goals.

However

, it is crucial to remember that issues could change

while

oldering

Correct your spelling

older

. In

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

decades we will probably forget about our current challenges with

broken

Add an article

a broken

show examples

heart

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hearts

show examples

and

university's

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university

show examples

grades, as illnesses and social isolation could become paramount in our

60's

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60s

show examples

. In

this

essay, I will explore both

causes

Correct article usage

the causes

show examples

and solutions of these changes and share my own viewpoint on the matter. What reasons could lead the person to be socially neglected? First of all, it could be caused by hard mental conditions, as

neurons

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neuron

show examples

connections are becoming

instable

Correct your spelling

unstable

show examples

and certain cells of the body are degrading

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

age. These changes include

depressions

Change the noun form

depression

show examples

states, schizophrenia or amnesia, which interfere the normal communication

this

others.

Also

, it becomes more difficult to find connections with age

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

people

's social institutes are disappearing, there is no need to go to university or to school where social interactions

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

encouraged. We observe a similar situation

this

Change preposition

in this

show examples

health condition. A plethora of

ilnesses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

and disabilities prevent

people

to accomplish

Change preposition

from accomplishing

show examples

physical exercises, and even usual activities

such

as walking and shopping take the

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

Meanwile

Correct your spelling

Meanwhile

, older

people

are struggling with

mouvements

Correct your spelling

movements

movement

even on

daily

Correct article usage

a daily

show examples

basis, leaving them exhausted and not able to accomplish more tasks.

However

, there are possible ways to help them, as I consider. First of all, the

gouvernement

Correct your spelling

government

should introduce free psychological sessions with gerontologists to prevent the mental condition from degradation and make them able to manage the stress

Change preposition

show examples

their own.

Besides

, free

sport

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sports

show examples

clubs could enhance their

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

an active life, gathering

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

of their age. I

also

consider that volunteers could visit the lonely

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

to provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

affordable healthcare and social engagement. In conclusion, the older

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

are facing a lot of problems

due to

a body transition and loss of social status.

Nevertheless

, it is in our forces to help them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

overcome

this

moment, as we should stay responsive to an older generation and remember that one day we will take their place.

Submitted by n_forever_living on Fri Nov 22 2024

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coherence cohesion

Some ideas in your essay could benefit from more clarity. Try to organize your points in a coherent manner to make your arguments more persuasive.

task achievement

Introduce more specific examples to support your arguments, which could raise the level of detail and complexity.

coherence cohesion

Consider integrating some transition phrases to improve the flow between ideas.

task achievement

Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the given prompt, addressing both causes and solutions to loneliness and lack of fitness among elderly people.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, offering a good framework for your discussion.

task achievement

Your proposal of solutions shows a good attempt at addressing identified issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

349 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday will be healthier and happier. However, many elderlies are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

Fully explain your ideas

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, some people are renting accommodation, while others are buying their own homes. Doe renting accommodation have more advantages or more disadvantages than buying a place?

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

Many people use distance-learning programs to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring benefits as much as attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？