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Band 5

Some people think that children should not watch telvision as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #telvision #effects #television #future
Television
 is considered a mode of information where you can watch anything whether it is a news
channel
 or a music
channel
. Some people believe grown-ups should not watch telly as it is not sensible for their character
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 say it is beneficial for their upcoming life. In
this
 passage, I am going to discuss both viewpoints
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
explain my opinion in the following paragraph and come up with a logical conclusion.
Firstly
, those people who do not agree that adolescents should not watch digital boxes as it is not appropriate for their health. Spending long hours in front
television
 can directly affect their eyesight and health problems
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 obesity. Every child is so fascinated with
this
 technology
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they compromise their studies and outdoor activities which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to low academic scores and health issues.
For instance
, In 2002, the data was collected and 75%
teenagers
Change preposition
of teenagers
show examples
wearing
Wrong verb form
wore
show examples
 contact glasses because of spending long hours in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
 and 20%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 excess weight issues.
However
, few people discuss that it is very helpful for their kid's future. They believe that it is best for their child to get knowledge about current affairs in the country from news
channels
 and get more information about many other fields. There are many
channel
 options available on
television
such
 as news
channels
, history
channels
 and geography
channels
 where they get various knowledge about different cultures and learn about their languages and history. In my opinion, having technology made our life so easy and it is the responsibility of their parents to recognise what is good for the teenagers. There is no 100 per cent negative effect of revulsion. It depends on the child which
channel
 they want to watch and
that is
 the main point.
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is well-supported with specific examples or data throughout your essay to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more cohesive flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve logical structuring.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the two viewpoints and states that both will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is concise and provides a clear opinion on the matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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