The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons

The given graph illustrates how many

people

have attended

Change preposition

apply

show examples

various hobbies presented in a social centre in Melbourne

city

Capitalize word

City

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Australia between 2000

Correct word choice

and

show examples

2020.

Overall

, high attraction for film

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

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have always been at the top and had a

leveling

Change the spelling

levelling

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trend resembling

with

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apply

show examples

Martial arts

tendency

Fix the agreement mistake

tendencies

show examples

. Meanwhile, despite the

amateur

dramatics which experienced an enormous decline in

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of attendances, table tennis and musical

performance

Fix the agreement mistake

performances

show examples

faced

increase

Add an article

an increase

show examples

participations

Fix the agreement mistake

participation

show examples

at the end

of the period. In 2000,

Film

Correct article usage

the Film

show examples

club

Capitalize word

Club

show examples

, as the most popular activity among the others, had around 64 individuals participating in it which

maintained

Add a missing verb

was maintained

show examples

until 2020.

Additionally

, Martial

art

Fix the agreement mistake

arts

show examples

with about 36

people

was the second place

Change preposition

show examples

the first year of the survey

also

leveling at the same rate after some fluctuations.

However

, musical performance,

contrast

Add the comma(s)

contrast,

show examples

didn’t exist at

first,

began

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show examples

2005, and had the lowest figure until it peaked after a moderate rise to under 20

people

attending.

Moreover

amateur

dramatics and table tennis

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

started at just more than 25 and more than half of it respectively in 2000.

Further

, after a resembling upward trend,

interests

Fix the agreement mistake

interest

show examples

amateur

dramatics fell enormously to become the lowest just under 10

people

attending a year.

On the other hand

, the figure for table tennis

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

rocketed up to almost 60 in 2020 with a significant rise surpassing

amateur

dramatic in 2010.

Submitted by farr.shad.k on Sat Nov 23 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, amateur with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

▼

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

226 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

participation rates
trends
significant increases/decreases
stable numbers
fluctuations
overall participation
comparison
activities
social centre
Melbourne
participants
highlight
report
graph illustrates/demonstrates
20-year period
key features
main features
statistical data
variations

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Developing countries require help offered by international organization to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aids is important. Other believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both these views and give youw own opinion.

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today much of the food people eat gets transported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Some people believe it would be better for the environment and the economy if people only consumed food produced by local farmers. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?