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Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. some people believe it is more important to protect the ciuntryside and not build new homes there.

#places #homes #space #countryside #people #ciuntryside
There is no denying the fact that building a new
house
 is a crucial matter
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
so
people
 allocate
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant attention to their
house
's location.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the only space available for building them is in the
countryside
, there is
also
 an argument that some
people
 believe it is more crucial to protect the
countryside
 and not build new houses there. In my
opinine
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I believe that building a
house
 in the
countryside
 must be organised with some regulations in order to protect these areas.
To begin
 with, these days most cities
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from traffic
popluationa
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and congestion.
In other words
, building a
house
 in some cities is not a choice
due to
 the mentioned factors.
Therefore
,
people
 tend to build their houses in the
countryside
 which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 wide space and several choices to them compared to the limited spaces in cityside.
For example
, if you want to buy
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land in a city, your choices will be limited
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a small spaces
Correct the article-noun agreement
a small space
small spaces
show examples
. Another point to consider, the
countryside
 must be protected by some regulations to prevent any future mistakes. It is
also
 possible to say that, we can not forbid
people
 from buying new houses in the
countryside
, but we can regulate those
purchses
Correct your spelling
purchases
.
Moreover
,
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocating
show examples
 the utmost care to preserve our environment is a must.
For instance
, if we
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not regulate the process, it may affect the
countryside
 and it will
threatn
Correct your spelling
threaten
 our environment. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different points of view, I tend to believe that we can not limit the
popluation
Correct your spelling
population
 congestion in the
countryside
, but we must
regulat
Correct your spelling
regulate
 it to limit its adverse effect.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Transitions from city challenges to countryside regulations can be made smoother.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples to illustrate ideas more concretely. Consider using recent studies or notable case instances.
task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the task comprehensively. For example, consider discussing environmental preservation measures if building in the countryside is necessary.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear, despite some grammatical errors, and effectively communicate the main argument.
task achievement
Attempts to balance development and environmental conservation, reflecting depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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