Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spend on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, more attention is given
for
student's Change preposition
to
education
. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
government
should Add an article
the government
spent
more money Change the verb form
spend
for
free Change preposition
on
time
Use synonyms
activities
which Use synonyms
is
for young Change the verb form
are
people
. Use synonyms
Although
, to give more money and opportunities for Linking Words
education
is better Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
liasure
Replace the word
leisurely
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
but
in some Correct word choice
apply
cases
children have to Add a comma
cases,
spent
their free Change the verb
spend
time
Use synonyms
to
some kind of Change preposition
on
activities
which Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
usuful
for them.
To give more emphasis Correct your spelling
useful
for
Change preposition
to
education
is more and more beneficial than other Use synonyms
activities
. Use synonyms
Becouse
young generation they have Correct your spelling
Because
time
and health to learn more Use synonyms
knowledges
. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
For
Linking Words
instance
when Add a comma
instance,
people
start learning Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
their
young age they can find their way in life Change the word
a
than
others. Correct quantifier usage
more than
Thus
, Linking Words
pay
moreWrong verb form
paying
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
for
Change preposition
to
education
is the best way to increase young Use synonyms
people
's knowledge.
Government should Use synonyms
spent
more budget Change the verb form
spend
for
Change preposition
on
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
activities
for growing Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
Becouse
when they Correct your spelling
Because
tired
from Add a missing verb
are tired
education
and learning new things Use synonyms
and
they just want to relax with some kind of Correct word choice
apply
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
Linking Words
for
instance: football, basketball, or games which is Add the comma(s)
, for
usuful
for their mental development. Correct your spelling
useful
This
type of Linking Words
acts
Fix the agreement mistake
act
are
more beneficial for children. Change the verb form
is
With
Change preposition
In
this
Linking Words
way
they can Add a comma
way,
also
learn more Linking Words
Linking Words
this
than lessons. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Accordingly
, Linking Words
government
have to Add an article
the government
expend
more money Verb problem
spend
for
free Change preposition
on
time
Use synonyms
activities
for Use synonyms
young
generation's department.
Correct article usage
the young
To conclude
, Linking Words
education
is profitable for youngsters but they Use synonyms
also
have to be free to Linking Words
Use synonyms
activities
which Add a missing verb
do activities
is
helpful to learn more Change the verb form
are
knowledges
.Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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language
Try to use more precise language and check for spelling and grammatical errors, like 'leaseure' which should be 'leisure'.
essay structure
An essay generally should have about four or five paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and consider adding a paragraph to fully develop your ideas.
conclusion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main points more clearly to reinforce your position. Instead of 'To conclude, education is profitable for youngsters...', be more specific about why both education and leisure are important.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both the importance of education and leisure activities for young people.
coherence
There is an attempt to structure your writing logically, which is evident from the clear separation between education and leisure activities discussions.
insight
The idea that leisure activities can contribute to mental development is thoughtful and adds depth to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?