Too much emphasis is given for the education of young people. More government money should be spend on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #people #government #money #time #activities

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Nowadays, more attention is given to student's

education

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Thus

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, the

government

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should spend more money on free

time

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activities

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which are for young

people

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Although

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

more money and opportunities for

education

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is better than leisurely

time

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activities

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in some cases, children have to spend their free

time

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on some kind of

activities

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which are useful for them. To give more emphasis to

education

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is more and more beneficial than other

activities

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. Because the young generation has

time

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and health to learn more bits of

knowledge

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For instance

Linking Words

, when

people

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start learning at a young age they can find their way in life more than others.

Thus

Linking Words

, paying more attention to

education

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is the best way to increase young

people

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knowledge

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. The

government

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should spend more budget on leisure

activities

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for growing

people

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. Because when they are tired from

education

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and learning new things they just want to relax with some kind of activity ,

for instance

Linking Words

: football, basketball, or games which is useful for their mental development.

This

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type of act is more beneficial for children. In

this

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way, they can

also

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learn more beneficial pieces of

knowledge

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than lessons

bucouse

Correct your spelling

because

it is more fascinating to them.

Accordingly

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, the

government

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have to spend more money on free

time

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activities

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for the young generation's department.

To conclude

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education

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is profitable for youngsters but they

also

Linking Words

have to be free to do

activities

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which are helpful to learn more pieces of

knowledge

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Thus

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

should give

Correct pronoun usage

them an

show examples

opportunity for their mental development.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Sat Nov 23 2024

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task response

Clarify your stance more clearly in the introduction.

task response

Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Improve the flow by using clearer transitions between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your arguments are fully developed with more detailed explanations.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

task response

You addressed both sides of the argument about education and leisure activities.

structure

The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Too much emphasis is given for the education of young people. More government money should be spend on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this what can be done to solve this problem.

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' •To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

Some people say the money spent by governments on space programmes would be appropriate. Others believe that it is better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.