IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

#people #attention
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Group
Correct article usage
A group
show examples
 of
citizens
Use synonyms
 believe that definitely announcing is the best way to encourage others
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy
products
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
citizens
Use synonyms
 said that advertising is very ordinary and they do not matter to it. I agree with the first mindset. It is crucial for
citizens
Use synonyms
 to recognize
products
Use synonyms
 that they should buy as their needs. Mostly announcing could help to introduce these goods. Because, these days, many
citizens
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access
Add a missing verb
have access
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 to smart devices and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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. It is available anywhere and cheap. So many
citizens
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, especially the young generation whenever they want to
buying
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 something, first they search
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various websites and social media. Exactly, it is gold time that announcing appears to tempt others. I believe that people desire to
buying
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 known goods or at least
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
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 them once. People do not like
products
Use synonyms
 that they have never seen
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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before.
Announcements
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 can give them
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
trust
Change preposition
of trust
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. After that quality of their goods can improve their business.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone recommended
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Coca-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
show examples
 and an unknown drink, you probably prefer Coca-Cola.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
citizens
Use synonyms
 think that they have been knowledgeable enough and exactly announcing can not impact them.
Announcements
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 give us the power of focus and do not let us have a good buying. It has
happen
Change the verb form
happened
show examples
 so many times, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 bought something new just based on
announcements
Use synonyms
 , and intimately they have regretted it.
In addition
Linking Words
, it takes us many times so it is a kind of waste of our time . In conclusion,
announcements
Use synonyms
 can help humans to have a convenient choice. It is the best way to
figuring
Wrong verb form
figure
show examples
 out what
products
Use synonyms
 are best.
Submitted by mozhdeh_yousefi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to develop a clearer structure in your argument to improve logical progression. Consider using more transition words and phrases to clarify connections.
Task Achievement
Explore ideas more comprehensively. Adding more detailed explanations and examples would strengthen your argument and make your points clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your essay nicely.
Task Achievement
You've introduced a relevant example about Coca-Cola which enhances your argument about brand recognition due to advertising.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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