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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it Dicuss the both viewsand give your opinion

#people #attention #dicuss #viewsand
Group
Correct article usage
A group
show examples
 of
citizens
 believe that definitely announcing is the best way to encourage others
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy
products
.
On the other hand
, many
citizens
 said that advertising is very ordinary and they do not matter to it. I agree with the first mindset. It is crucial for
citizens
 to recognize
products
 that they should buy as their needs. Mostly announcing could help to introduce these goods. Because, these days, many
citizens
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
 to smart devices and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. It is available anywhere and cheap. So many
citizens
, especially the young generation whenever they want to
buying
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 something, first they search
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various websites and social media. Exactly, it is gold time that announcing appears to tempt others. I believe that people desire to
buying
Change the verb
buy
show examples
 known goods or at least
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 them once. People do not like
products
 that they have never seen
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
before.
Announcements
 can give them
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
trust
Change preposition
of trust
show examples
. After that quality of their goods can improve their business.
For instance
, if someone recommended
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Coca-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
show examples
 and an unknown drink, you probably prefer Coca-Cola.
On the other hand
, some
citizens
 think that they have been knowledgeable enough and exactly announcing can not impact them.
Announcements
 give us the power of focus and do not let us have a good buying. It has
happen
Change the verb form
happened
show examples
 so many times, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 bought something new just based on
announcements
 , and intimately they have regretted it.
In addition
, it takes us many times so it is a kind of waste of our time . In conclusion,
announcements
 can help humans to have a convenient choice. It is the best way to
figuring
Wrong verb form
figure
show examples
 out what
products
 are best.
Submitted by mozhdeh_yousefi on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs to enhance cohesion. Consider using more signal words and transitions to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduce clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to improve logical structure.
task achievement
Strengthen task achievement by providing more nuanced examples and deeper analysis of each viewpoint.
task achievement
Ensure that all claims are supported with specific details or examples to reinforce arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and presents a personal opinion, which sets up the essay well.
coherence cohesion
There is a visible attempt to give a balanced discussion by acknowledging counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
The writer provides a personal opinion and conclusion that aligns with the essay's introduction, creating a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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