IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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The ultimately significant goal of
science
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 has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that the utility
aim
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 of
science
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 should enhance humans'
lives
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, I strongly advocate
this
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 trend and believe that improving
peoples'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
lives
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 should be considered dramatically. First of all,
science
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 can help
people
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 to live healthier and longer.
Therefore
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, advances in
science
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 not only contribute to
overall
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 well-being but can
also
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 lead to more sustainable
lives
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.
In other words
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, scientists exert lots of
efforts
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effort
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 to raise the quality of humans’
lives
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, across the globe.
As a result
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, the
ultimately
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ultimate
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aim
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 of
science
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 can improve individuals'
lives
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. A prime illustration of
this
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 is the Covid-19
pandomic
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pandemic
. If scientists
did
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had
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 not
use
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used
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 their
update
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updated
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 knowledge and abilities,
this
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 crisis would wildly
killed
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kill
show examples
significant
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a significant
the significant
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 number of
people
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 around the world, so
sience
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since
science
 played a
significant
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apply
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crucial role in rescuing
peoples'
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people's
show examples
lives
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.
On the other hand
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,
science
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 can offer various benefits for both societies and
people
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 as a whole.
While
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 the human population has
growed
Correct your spelling
grown
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 gradually, different
diseases
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 and health challenges have
raised
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risen
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 significantly too.
As a result
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,
science
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 can help
people
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 to live longer.
For instance
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, numerous
people
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 have
frequantly
Correct your spelling
frequently
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
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 from
Add an article
a
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variety of
diseases
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such
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 as cancer.
Although
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 the rate of cancer
diseases
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 has climbed increasingly, the number of
people
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 who suffer from these kinds of
diseases
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 decreased dramatically over the years,
due to
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 the
science
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 progress. In conclusion, it is highlighted that there are various opinions about the
aim
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 of
science
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,
While
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 some
people
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 believe that the
ultimately
Change the adverb
ultimate
show examples
 ambition of
science
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 should improve
peoples'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
lives
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, I firmly advocate
this
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 approach and believe that
science
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 can help
people
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 to live longer and healthier, which could be considered as the
science
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aim
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.
Submitted by mahanz on

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task achievement
To increase clarity, try using more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. Better-thought-out examples can strengthen your argument significantly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main point and flows logically to the next. Consider using more transition words to connect ideas better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides a solid foundation for your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which frames your response well.
complete response
You address the topic directly and provide a reasonable amount of discussion related to the main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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