IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Our world is becoming increasingly modernized, especially when it comes to
internet
Use synonyms
 connection. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
 makes the rich become richer and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 become poorer.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 opinion and will show that despite some points supporting
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 view, the
internet
Use synonyms
present
Change the verb form
presents
show examples
 a great tool to narrow the gap between the rich and poor. Some
people
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 who argue that the
internet
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 mainly provides opportunities for rich
people
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 have a point. First of all,
people
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 who have access to it can benefit from it.
Although
Linking Words
 almost every individual can access the
internet
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
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 with low income are more likely
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 a limited gain from
this
Linking Words
 technology. As for big businesses
such
Linking Words
 as Amazon and Facebook, it clearly helps them accelerate the growth of the company.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to the potential breakdown for some small businesses that offer the same services. Despite these significant advantages the
internet
Use synonyms
 offers for the rich, I still believe that it is the poor who benefit the most. The
Internet
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 provides information that can be easily accessed
such
Linking Words
 as job vacancies, educational materials and even as a platform to run a business. In the past, it was hard to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs for individuals who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in the regional area because the jobs were not even advertised,
however
Linking Words
, now it is becoming more common for
people
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work
Fix the infinitive
to work
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 from home for a big company and earn a good amount of money.
As a result
Linking Words
, more
people
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 get access to opportunities that used to be available only to a few.
This
Linking Words
 is why I think that the
internet
Use synonyms
 actually helps to make income distribution more equal. In conclusion, despite the opportunities that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 offers seems to make the gap between the rich and poor wider but I believe that it is actually making the income distribution more equal,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 it helps the poor close the gap.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets an appropriate context for the essay. However, make sure to refine the statement about your stance to make it more decisive.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly when discussing how the internet benefits the poor.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next. Transition words are good, but more varied use could enhance clarity and understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-balanced discussion by addressing both views of the argument, which is key to achieving a high score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, maintaining a good overall structure for the essay.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear progression of ideas, and your arguments are generally well-organized.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital divide
  • wealth gap
  • accessibility
  • disadvantaged
  • empowerment
  • digital skills
  • online resources
  • financial disparities
  • bridging the gap
  • digital inclusion
  • economic inequality
  • equal opportunities
  • digital divide
  • information age
  • socioeconomic divide
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