Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Our world is becoming increasingly modernized, especially when it comes to
internet
connection. Some people
believe that the internet
makes the rich become richer and poor
become poorer. Correct article usage
the poor
This
essay agrees with the later
opinion and will show that despite some points supporting Correct your spelling
latter
first
view, the Change the article
the first
internet
present
a great tool to narrow the gap between the rich and poor.
Some Change the verb form
presents
people
who argue that the internet
mainly provides opportunities for rich people
have a point. First of all, people
who have access to it can benefit from it. Although
almost every individual can access the internet
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
people
with low income are more likely have
a limited gain from Fix the infinitive
to have
this
technology. As for big businesses such
as Amazon and Facebook, it clearly helps them accelerate the growth of the company. As a result
, it leads to the potential breakdown for some small businesses that offer the same services.
Despite these significant advantages the internet
offers for the rich, I still believe that it is the poor who benefit the most. The Internet
provides information that can be easily accessed such
as job vacancies, educational materials and even as a platform to run a business. In the past, it was hard to get the
jobs for individuals who Correct article usage
apply
lives
in the regional area because the jobs were not even advertised, Change the verb form
live
however
, now it is becoming more common for people
work
from home for a big company and earn a good amount of money. Fix the infinitive
to work
As a result
, more people
get access to opportunities that used to be available only to a few. This
is why I think that the internet
actually helps to make income distribution more equal.
In conclusion, despite the opportunities that internet
offers seems to make the gap between the rich and poor wider but I believe that it is actually making the income distribution more equal, Correct article usage
the internet
as a
result
it helps the poor close the gap.Add the comma(s)
result,
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets an appropriate context for the essay. However, make sure to refine the statement about your stance to make it more decisive.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly when discussing how the internet benefits the poor.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next. Transition words are good, but more varied use could enhance clarity and understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-balanced discussion by addressing both views of the argument, which is key to achieving a high score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, maintaining a good overall structure for the essay.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear progression of ideas, and your arguments are generally well-organized.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?