IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The diagram below shoes the stages of processing cocoa beans. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the process below.

#shoes #stages #cocoa #beans #report #university #lecturer #process
The diagram presents the various stages of
cocoa
beans
’ processes. There are three main steps included.
Overall
, the
process
 of
cocoa
beans
 starts
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
picking
Correct article usage
the picking
show examples
 of
beans
 and ends
up as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 three types of products. These products are usually delivered for consumers and for
cake
Correct article usage
the cake
show examples
 and drink industry. In detail, the first stage
to
Change preposition
of processing
show examples
process
cocoa
beans
 involves picking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whole
beans
 where the shells are separated to be dried up.
Moreover
, the second step includes pressing which has two types,
further
 pressing and
further
 refining.
Additionally
, after
further
 pressing, it will create
cocoa
 cake,
also
, the
further
 refined
beans
 are added with industrial chocolate and sugar.
In addition
 to that, the final stage of the
process
 starts when the
cocoa
 cake
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
grinded
Correct your spelling
ground
show examples
 in order to create
cocoa
 powder for consumers and
cocoa
 liquor used in
cakes
Correct article usage
the cakes
show examples
 and drinks industries.
Lastly
, after the final
process
 of mixing refined
beans
 with industrial chocolate and sugar, chocolate products are now ready for consumption.
Submitted by cng123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the logical flow, consider using more linking words and phrases to better connect the stages of the process.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or details about each stage could enhance the description and make it more comprehensive.
task achievement
Revisiting sentence structures for clarity and variety might help to address slight ambiguities and make the ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear overview of the process, aptly setting the stage for the details to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the final outcome of the process, emphasizing the final products and their consumer destinations.
task achievement
The essay successfully describes the main stages in the cocoa processing diagram, providing a logical progression from start to finish.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: