In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a possitive or a negative development?
NOWADAYS, MANY
PEOPLE
'S PREFERENCE IS HIRING A PERSONAL FITNESS
TRAINER, RATHER THAN JOINING GROUP
CLASSES. THERE ARE VARIOUS REASONS WHY PEOPLE
DO IT AND I BELIEVE THAT IT IS COMPLETELY POSITIVE TENDENCY.
ONE OF THE REASONS OF HIRING PRIVATE FITNESS
TRAINERS
IS BUSY SCHEDULE. DUE TO
WORK CONDITIONS AND A BUSY SCHEDULE PEOPLE
HAVE DIFFICULTIES FOR
JOINING Change preposition
apply
GROUP
LESSONS
, ULTIMATELY IT
MAKES THEM Correct pronoun usage
apply
TO
TAKE PART IN PRIVATE CLASSES. Fix the infinitive
apply
FOR INSTANCE
, IN AZERBAIJAN WORKING IN
Change preposition
ON
5
TO 9 SCHEDULE RESULTED IN HIRING PRIVATE Correct article usage
A 5
FITNESS
TRAINERS
. APART FROM THAT, DUE TO
LACK
Correct article usage
A LACK
MOTIVATION
, TO ELABORATE IT, SOME Change preposition
OF MOTIVATION
PEOPLE
HAVING LACK OF MOTIVATION AND ATTENTION THEY ARE LESS LIKELY ENGAGING
IN SPORTS Change the verb form
TO ENGAGE
LONG
HOURS. Change preposition
FOR LONG
THESE KIND
OF Change the determiner
THIS KIND
THESE KINDS
PEOPLE
, REALIZE THAT DOING SPORT BY
UNDER THE PRIVATE Change preposition
apply
FITNESS
TRAINERS
' PRESSURE MIGHT FORCE THEM WORKING
HARD.
WORKING WITH PRIVATE Change the verb form
TO WORK
TRAINERS
YIELD
POSITIVE RESULTS. IN THE FIRST PLACE, IT IS BENEFICIAL BOTH Correct subject-verb agreement
YIELDS
TRAINERS
AND INDIVIDUALS. SINCE, ALL ATTENTION ARE GATHERED ON ONE PERSON, AND INDIVIDUALS WHO UNDER
Add a missing verb
ARE UNDER
TRAINERS
' PRESSURE GET BETTER RESULTS , THEY ARE DOING SPORT
EFFICIENTLY THAN THOSE WHO Fix the agreement mistake
SPORTS MORE
ENGAGED
IN Wrong verb form
ENGAGE
GROUP
CLASS
. APART FROM THAT, Fix the agreement mistake
CLASSES
TRAINERS
GET MUCH MORE INCOME FROM PRIVATE LESSONS
, RATHER THAN GROUP
LESSONS
, AS PRIVATE LESSONS
ARE COSTLY. ADDITIONALLY
, GETTING MUCH INCOME BY WORKING A PRIVATE FITNESS
MAKING
Wrong verb form
MAKES
PEOPLE
TO
OPT FOR Fix the infinitive
apply
THIS
PROFESSION, THEREFORE
MANY SPORT
Change the noun form
SPORTS
TRAINERS
MEAN MANY HEALTH
Replace the word
HEALTHY
PEOPLE
.
TO CONCLUDE
, HAVING BUSY SCHEDULES AND LACK OF MOTIVATION FORCE PEOPLE
TO GET PRIVATE TRAINERS
, IT YIELD POSITIVE OUTCOMES FOR INDIVIDUALS AND TRAINERS
.Submitted by afaaslanova07 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task question comprehensively. Although you have addressed reasons for hiring personal trainers and evaluated whether it is a positive development, offering slightly more depth in your discussion around each point would elevate your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by organizing them into clear, distinct paragraphs. Currently, some ideas are a bit jumbled and lack a smooth progression within the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures for smoother readability, as well as checking for grammatical issues that may obscure your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your points from the start and providing a solid summary at the end.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the situation in Azerbaijan, which adds a solid support to your points.
Task Achievement
The essay not only introduces reasons but also evaluates them as a positive or negative, showing a balanced overview of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.