In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many nations have increased the
age
Use synonyms
of
retirement
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will argue that despite the benefits of less burden on governments and saving of valuable
resources
Use synonyms
, the decrease in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of jobs available and
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
dissatisfaction means that the advantages far outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, raising the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
saves
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
lots of money. As
people
Use synonyms
are working for longer periods, it has decreased the amount of money and
resources
Use synonyms
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
on hiring new employees.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
means that
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
at which pension starts has
also
Linking Words
increased, which could
also
Linking Words
decrease the burden on
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, by increasing the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
to 67,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Health Service UK is saving over 1
billlion
Correct your spelling
billion
dollars annually.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
is not the ideal solution to save
resources
Use synonyms
as there are
otherways
Correct your spelling
other ways
show examples
in which
resources
Use synonyms
can be saved.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are generally dissatisfied
over
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
decision. Many
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
made plans for what they want to do in their 60s, but as they have to work now and are not eligible for pensions,
this
Linking Words
means they have to postpone their plans.
Moreover
Linking Words
, because of older
people
Use synonyms
working later in life, the number
jobs
Change preposition
of jobs
show examples
that were available has
also
Linking Words
decreased.
This
Linking Words
has resulted in an increase in
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
which has
also
Linking Words
angered the younger population.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
survey conducted by Cambridge University found
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that ,if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
had not increased the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
, the unemployment rate in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
would have been half of what it is now. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
raising the
age
Use synonyms
has saved governments valuable
resources
Use synonyms
, the drawbacks of
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of jobless
people
Use synonyms
indicates
Change the verb form
indicate
show examples
that there are
disadvantages
Correct quantifier usage
more disadvantages
show examples
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefits.
Submitted by saadanwer89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transition words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, making the overall argument clearer and more coherent.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, the balance could be improved by providing more arguments or examples for each side. This can create a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is clear, consisting of an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples, such as the National Health Service UK and the Cambridge University survey, which effectively support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: