There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In our modern day and age, academic
excelance
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excellence
in school is an important key to
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
better chances for
teriraty
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tertiary
education
Use synonyms
and future jobs. Some
partents
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parents
want their children to focus on essential academic subjects rather than sports and life
skills
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classes. I
beleive
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believe
that young people need a balanced
education
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to help them
sucessed
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succeed
in their future lives. It is
undenible
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undeniable
that core subjects
such
Linking Words
as mathematics and science are required in most jobs in today's
wrok
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work
market and
students
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with a strong background in
such
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subjects have a better
likleyhood
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likelihood
to work
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of working
show examples
in fields
such
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as medicine and engineering.
For example
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,
students
Use synonyms
who have high scores in
standerdized
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standardized
standardised
exams and
univeristy
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university
admission exams are more
likley
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likely
to be accepted in
presitgues
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prestige
and
highley
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highly
accredited
centers
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centres
show examples
compared to
students
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with lower
GPA
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GPAs
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it
Add a missing verb
is understadable
show examples
understadable
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understandable
that parents would aspire that their children get the strongest
education
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in school to
seciure
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secure
better future
obertunities
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opportunities
.
On the other hand
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, most
students
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after
garduating
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graduating
from high school and becoming independent from their families
thay
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they
that
are faced with real-life struggles
such
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as keeping up with personal finance and basic
house keeping
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housekeeping
show examples
skills
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.
Also
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, on social and professional levels they might lack time
managemnet
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management
or communication
skills
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which are crucial for a
scussful
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successful
career.
For instance
Linking Words
, a social study in the US found that 45% of
univeristy
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university
students
Use synonyms
strugle
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struggle
to manage their own personal budget
any
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and
show examples
pay bills on time.
Therfore
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Therefore
, Real-life
skills
Use synonyms
can help young people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become well-rounded individuals who can thrive
beyound
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beyond
the
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apply
show examples
life with their
family
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families
show examples
. In conclusion, a
well balanced
Add a hyphen
well-balanced
show examples
education
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that combines core
knowledage
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knowledge
with other
skills
Use synonyms
ensures that younger generations will have the appropriate tools to help them through life.
Submitted by ghadeersulami on

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task response
Ensure all key points are fully developed and explained with relevant examples.
coherence
Improve grammatical accuracy and spelling across the essay to enhance readability.
cohesion
Ensure all ideas are thoroughly connected and transitions are clear between paragraphs.
coherence
The essay includes a solid introduction and conclusion, linking the argument well throughout.
task response
You provide a clear opinion and support it with relevant arguments from both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with main points effectively organized.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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