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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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Decreasing the population of
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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 has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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 a significant number of people
has
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have
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 moved to large
cities
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 over the years, the population of rural
areas
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 has declined dramatically.
Although
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 there are positive
effects
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 in
this
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 trend, the detrimental
effects
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 should not be overlooked and I strongly believe that the negative
effects
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 outweigh the benefits. First of all, moving people, particularly the younger generations to large
cities
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 has significantly offered various benefits, leading to a variety of job opportunities.
Therefore
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, if individuals immigrate to
cities
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, they might have a higher chance
to find
Change preposition
of finding
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 a
valuble
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valuable
possition
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position
 job, in
witch
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which
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 they can
easilly
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easily
 meet their needs.
For instance
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, consider a young boy who has just graduated from university and struggled to find a job vacancy.
However
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, his immigration might lead to a sense of depression and
missed
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missing
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 his family, he can
successfuly
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successfully
 achieve his goals and gradually
climbe
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climbed
climb
 the ladder career.
Moreover
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, these
movments
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movements
 can offer a variety of facilities and amenities to individuals, which are unavailable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
areas
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.
On the other hand
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, climate change has resulted in harmful consequences, across the globe, so preserving
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 has significantly played a vital role
to preserve
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in preserving
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 the habitat inherently. In
despite
Correct your spelling
spite
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,
moving
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of moving
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 a significant number of people to
cities
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, these
areas
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 can gradually lead to becoming abundant. By placing more emphasis on
natrual
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natural
disaster
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disasters
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, it is
crusial
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crucial
 to preserve these
areas
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 significantly.
Thus
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, immigration to
cities
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 not only
countributes
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contributes
 to detrimental
effects
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 but
also
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 can result in negative consequences for the habitat. A prime illustration of
this
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 is an increase in carbon emission which is created
due to
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 over
populated
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population
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 in large
cities
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. In conclusion, there are various opinions about decreasing the population of coutrysides.
Althoughe
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Although
 there are some advantages
in
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to
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this
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 approach, I firmly believe that the worse
effects
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 are overweighed the benefits,
such
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 as an increase in environmental challenges.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in tense and correct minor grammatical errors to improve clarity.
Vocabulary
Use more varied vocabulary and avoid repetition for a more engaging response.
Development
Provide more specific examples to support your points effectively.
Structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion.
Content
Main points are outlined and discussed in relation to the essay topic.
Analytical Skills
The writer provides a balanced view by considering both positive and negative aspects.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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