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Band 5

Many think that in today's world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#world #people #lifestyle
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In today's highly competitive world, adopting a healthy
lifestyle
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 is crucial for individuals to thrive and maintain a convenient life.
While
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 some argue that it is extremely challenging for people to maintain a healthy
lifestyle
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 in the modern world, others claim that it is easy for individuals to be healthy and fit if they are truly committed.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and provide my stance on the matter in the conclusion. To commence with,
according to
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 the WHO, '
Health
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 is wealth', yet mankind prioritizes
aggressive
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the aggressive
show examples
 pursuit of wealth over
health
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, leading to neglect of their well-being.
Furthermore
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, the prevalence of junk food with high calories and low vitamins in modern diets directly impacts
overall
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health
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, contributing to chronic diseases like obesity.
On the other hand
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,in today's state-of-the-art era, adopting a healthy
lifestyle
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 is crucial, which involves following a balanced diet rich in fresh vegetables and fruits,
while
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 avoiding soft drinks and packaged food, and complementing it with regular morning exercise to maintain
overall
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 fitness and well-being. To recapitulate, from my perspective,
health
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 is paramount, yet many people prioritize earning a living over maintaining a healthy diet and
lifestyle
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, which can be challenging
due to
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 long working hours and the demands of modern life.
Submitted by kakshpatel16916 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. This can help make your arguments more convincing and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing more subtle logical transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance the overall flow and ensure the essay reads smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, and they bookend the essay well by introducing the topic and summarizing your view.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced approach to discussing the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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