IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Top Five Activities of Children in Australia and the United Kingdom 2020

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 bar graph illustrates the
favourite
Use synonyms
 free time
activities
Use synonyms
 of high
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia and the United Kingdom in the year 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in both countries showed a strong preference for using the internet;
however
Linking Words
, Australian
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed a preference for socialising and sporting
activities
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 UK
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 preferred playing video games and watching TV. The most popular
activity
Use synonyms
 for
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom was using the
intemet
Correct your spelling
internet
 with 800 high
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 saying that
this
Linking Words
 is their
favourite
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
. Another popular
activity
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
 in the UK was watching TV with 610
students
Use synonyms
 preferring
this
Linking Words
. Less popular
activities
Use synonyms
 were playing sports and socialising with friends. Only 300
students
Use synonyms
 have these as their
favourite
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. In Australia, using the internet was the most common
favourite
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 with 750
students
Use synonyms
 enjoying
this
Linking Words
. At a similar level, 650
students
Use synonyms
 liked spending time with friends.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who listed watching TV and playing computer games as a
favourite
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 was lower with 400
students
Use synonyms
 for the former and 200
students
Use synonyms
 for the latter.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Try to provide a brief conclusion to summarise the information, wrapping up the ideas and key points discussed.
relevant specific examples
Consider elaborating slightly more on specific data presented in the graph to show a deeper engagement with the task.
logical structure
The essay has a clear logical structure, beginning with an overview and then discussing each country's results in detail.
complete response
The essay presents a complete response by mentioning all the main activities and comparing the preferences between the two countries effectively.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with relevant data from the bar graph, aiding the reader's understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: