Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Debate
about the appropriate Add an article
The debate
age
of
Change preposition
for
the
retirement is still witnessed worldwide. Some assume that implementing equal Correct article usage
apply
age
for retiring is not fair with ignoring their jobs' difficulty, and hold this
view that the range of age
should be flexible, especially for occupations which are done physically under hard circumistances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
as well as
preparing an accommodation for theses
workers. I tend to entirely agree with Correct your spelling
these
this
which will be described in the following essay.
After Industrial development, most businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
bahave
with their clerck as a machine. Correct your spelling
behave
have
This
behavior
is still without Change the spelling
behaviour
substancial
change in some types of professions, Correct your spelling
substantial
such
as miners. On the other hand
, insurance institotions
which should pay their salary after retiring Correct your spelling
institutions
defent
against decreasing the retirement Correct your spelling
defiant
defend
defence
age
to avoid losing their assets. Additionaly
, workers who work 20 years in a mine and/or with dangerous Correct your spelling
Additionally
material
like X-Ray, will suffer from not only physical issues but Fix the agreement mistake
materials
also
mental problems, which lead to unemployment Change preposition
at in
in
early Correct your spelling
an
age
(for example
less than 50).
Apart from the expenses about
payments, which should be Change preposition
of
souldered
by the government and owners of businesses, Correct your spelling
shouldered
soldered
same
strict rules should be passed by authorities to ensure that these types of employment that can be served extra ages (with free taxes and Correct article usage
the same
insurances
) are considered in their decisions. Considering the inflation, housing has turned into Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
new
Correct article usage
a new
phenomonon
. Seldom can well-paid workers afford Correct your spelling
phenomenon
a
suitable accommodation. Many believe that Remove the article
apply
this
disabilitiy
refers to mismanagement of the authorities. They opine that if the Correct your spelling
disability
gavernments
had considered housing as a primary Correct your spelling
governments
government
needs
of their natives, the elderly Fix the agreement mistake
need
peaple
would not Correct your spelling
people
strugle
with Correct your spelling
struggle
this
today.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with this
subject that the age
of retirement is depends
on Change the verb form
depends
profession
and Correct article usage
the profession
work's
conditions. Change noun form
work
However
, it is clear that
not untill
the Correct your spelling
until
insurane
institutions control the power in a society is it difficult to enforce Correct your spelling
insurance
this
will.Submitted by mortezashamsa on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and purpose, making it easier for readers to follow your line of argument.
task achievement
Use varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to effectively convey complex ideas.
task achievement
Consider using specific examples from countries or industries to strengthen your argument about different retirement ages.
task achievement
Make sure that the essay directly answers all parts of the question, including both agreeing/disagreeing and identifying specific professions.
task achievement
The essay includes a clear position on the issue of retirement age, agreeing with flexible retirement based on occupation difficulty.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which bookend your main argument nicely.
coherence cohesion
Attempts are made to consider both physical and mental challenges faced by certain workers, showing a depth of understanding.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.