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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates, the ratio of people arrested in five years,
while
Linking Words
 the bar graph represents
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the recent crimes of the criminals.
overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of the
males
Use synonyms
 arrested by the
authroities
Correct your spelling
authorities
, shows higher percentages as compared to the female criminals,
while
Linking Words
 public drinking was the major reason for the arrest of both genders. The pie chart showed that 32% of the
males
Use synonyms
 were arrested in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five years, ending in 1994,
while
Linking Words
 only 9% of the females were caught by the police,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
91% of the women were not arrested and 68% of the
males
Use synonyms
 were set free. public drinking was the
top
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most
Use synonyms
crime
Correct word choice
common crime
show examples
 among both genders, around 35% of the female drivers were caught in
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
 and around 32% of the
males
Use synonyms
 were arrested for
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
. The second
crime
Use synonyms
 for which the
males
Use synonyms
 were arrested the most was driving
while
Linking Words
 drinking, in which almost 26% of the male drivers were arrested,
while
Linking Words
 only 14% of the women drunk drivers were taken to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. The percentage of other crimes, assault, breach of order and theft remained
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 16% to 19% among the men group.
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the ratio of females involved in these crimes
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost between 12% to 18%. Less than 5% of the
males
Use synonyms
 gave no answer about the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 less than 8% of females
also
Linking Words
 stayed silent upon investigating the reason.
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, crime with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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