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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents believe that children need strict rules. Other parents believe children should have a lot of freedom to make decisions on their own. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#parents #children #rules #freedom #decisions
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Some parents think that
children
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 should have strict rules
while
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 other parents believe that
children
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 should have the freedom to make their own
decisions
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. I personally believe that
while
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children
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 sometimes make wrong
decisions
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, they should have the freedom to make their own
decisions
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 because it increases their confidence. Some people argue that
children
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 should not have the opportunity to make
decisions
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 because they sometimes make wrong
decisions
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. The reasons behind
this
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is
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are
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children
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 are immature, and they have little experience and knowledge, which
lead
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leads
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 them
making
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to make
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 wrong
decisions
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.
For example
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, in Australia, once one child made a wrong decision regarding which subject he
will
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would
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 study in his secondary school. The child made a wrong decision, and the subject he
choose
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chose
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 at the very early stage of his life
,
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apply
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 was not suitable for him later.
However
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, I personally believe that
children
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 should make
decisions
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 because they will become confident.
Children
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 should make
decisions
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 on their own because it will increase their confidence. If
children
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 start making
decisions
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 at
their
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a
show examples
 young age, they will learn a lot from it. It will broaden their outlook, minimize their fear, and they will become more confident about different aspects of their lives.
For example
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,
children
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 in Bangladesh are encouraged to make
decisions
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 on their own because
in
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, in
show examples
 their later lives, they become more confident, outspoken and independent.
Therefore
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, I personally believe that
children
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 should learn to make
decisions
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 because they will become more independent. In conclusion, I personally believe that
although
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children
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 do not have the capabilities
of making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 their own
decisions
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, they should be encouraged to make their own
decisions
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 because it will make them confident.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Consider further developing your arguments with more varied examples and reasoning for a more robust discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transition between ideas to further enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints on the topic, which shows a comprehensive approach to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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