In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?
It is widely proposed that the raising
of
Change preposition
apply
retirement
age in several nations can bring numerous benefits as a solution for Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an aging
aging
society world, others argue that negative outcomesChange the spelling
ageing
especially health status of these seniors workforce
should not be neglected. Add the comma(s)
, especially health status of these seniors workforce,
Hence
, Linking Words
reason
why I agree with the former statement will be elaborated on in Add an article
the reason
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe it is a good idea to Linking Words
raised
the age of Change the form of the verb
raise
retirement
in order to Use synonyms
delayed
and Wrong verb form
delay
alleviated
the alarming aging society crisis. Wrong verb form
alleviate
This
is possibly because Linking Words
by
allowing buffer years for active Change preposition
apply
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
remain
in the system can drive not only the business but the whole nation to maintain their economics. Unarguably, Fix the infinitive
to remain
retirement
Use synonyms
leading
to the loss of Wrong verb form
leads
active
workforce Correct article usage
the active
as well as
Linking Words
Add an article
the taxpayer
taxpayer
.
Fix the agreement mistake
taxpayers
However
, many Linking Words
opponent
of Change to a plural noun
opponents
this
idea might Linking Words
oppose
that Verb problem
argue
health
conditions of older workers may adversely affect Correct article usage
the health
on
Change preposition
apply
the
small Correct article usage
apply
business
as a financial burden Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
due to
the need to cover up for sickness at Linking Words
work
and the Use synonyms
absent
of Replace the word
absence
work
Use synonyms
as a result
of illness. It is widely Linking Words
knowb
that the loss of physical strength and mobility may Correct your spelling
known
know
vital
in some fields of Add a missing verb
be vital
work
Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
constructions
.
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
Therefore
, I strongly support Linking Words
with
the extension of Change preposition
apply
retirement
seeing that it can bring about positive Use synonyms
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
toward
society, especially being healthy Change preposition
for
aging
. Many elderly said to be ashamed of being a retiree and becoming financially dependent on their Change the spelling
ageing
younger's
family member and it is better for them to continue to Change noun form
younger
work
. Use synonyms
This
not only Linking Words
maintain
the economics of the nations but Change the verb form
maintains
also
Linking Words
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
self-esteem
of these people as well.
In summary, Add an article
the self-esteem
although
it is undeniable that Linking Words
health
condition of Correct article usage
the health
elderly
is Correct article usage
the elderly
key
factor that makes small Add an article
a key
the key
business
refuse to hire Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
retiree
Fix the agreement mistake
retirees
extra
years, I am of the opinion that the benefit of Change preposition
for extra
extension
Replace the word
extending
Use synonyms
retirement
age Correct article usage
the retirement
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
posible
detrimental effect.Correct your spelling
possible
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
Clarify the distinction between the advantages and disadvantages by using clear examples or case studies to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences support this main idea. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
language accuracy
Check grammatical errors such as verb tense agreements and subject-verb agreement to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, showing understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.