IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These days, a majority of animals are kept in zoos in order to save them from becoming extinct. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#majority #animals #zoos
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In recent years in order to save the majority of
animals
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 from becoming extinct, we protect them by keeping them in
zoos
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.
That is
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 the first and
suitable
Correct quantifier usage
most suitable
show examples
 solution way to save them from becoming extinct
as well as
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 hurting each other .
However
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,
this
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 issue can contain some pros and cons.
firstly
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, people are exposed to wildlife in a safe way and learn about the
animals
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' world.
Moreover
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, the
animals
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 can be bored in a calm and safe environment.
Additionally
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, The predatory
animals
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 that live near urban environments are less dangerous for citizens.
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can affect
animals
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' natural behaviour and change the natural climate.
Due to
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 separate
animals
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 from nature, they will be weak. Even
this
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 leads to the
extinct
Replace the word
extinction
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, around the
zoos
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 pollution in urban environments, is a high possibility.
As a result
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 keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can be risky.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow and connection between ideas. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that sets the context and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss. Additionally, aim for a more structured conclusion that summarizes these points.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples or supporting details to back up your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay richer in content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid separating words or sentences awkwardly, as seen in phrases like 'firstly, people' and 'separate animals from nature'. Keep sentences smooth for better readability.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos, which fulfills the basic requirements of the task response.
Task Achievement
There is a clear attempt to discuss different perspectives on the issue, reflecting an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Conservation efforts
  • Education and awareness
  • Wildlife protection
  • Natural habitat
  • Veterinary services
  • Poaching
  • Psychological stress
  • Natural behaviors
  • Sustainable solutions
What to do next:
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