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Band 3

Some people believe that if a child commits a crime he or she should be punished, while others think it is the child’s parents who should be punished. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #child #crime #child’s #parents
It is argued about who held the responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 juvenile
crimes
, some people believe that
parents
 should be punished because of their great
influne
Correct your spelling
influence
 on their
child
's behaviours,
while
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other children
show examples
child
 who
commits
Correct subject-verb agreement
commit
show examples
 a crime should be held responsible and be punished for their
crimes
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
concure
Correct your spelling
concur
concurs
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the latter group .
accourding
Correct your spelling
According
 to some
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 perspective, all children regardless of their age should be held accountable for their actions, and
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
any punishment
child
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
receives
 will
sere
Correct your spelling
serve
show examples
 as detteret for others. It
also
,
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 young offenders to take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
acctions
Correct your spelling
actions
 and thoughts. in my opinion, effective rehabilitation programs
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 essential when dealing with young offenders that
plays
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play
show examples
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 role in
refirming
Correct your spelling
reforming
reframing
 their behaviours.
on the other hand
, many people blame
parents
 for their children's
crimes
, they
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
parents
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parents'
parent's
show examples
neglegnce
Correct your spelling
neglect
 and upbringing
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the reason behind
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 actions. Recent studies showed that 80% of juvenile attampting
crimes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
due to
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
neglegence
Correct your spelling
negligence
due to
 alcohol addiction.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 tackle
this
 problem
parents
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be punished for their irresponsibility
tward
Correct your spelling
toward
 their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. In conclusion, it is undeniable that both the
child
 and
parents
 are guilty.
Collaborative
Correct article usage
A collaborative
show examples
 solution
shpuld
Correct your spelling
should
 be implemented to both would be the best;
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 should know the consequences of his actions,
while
parents
dhoud
Correct your spelling
should
also
 give
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 attention to their children.
Submitted by joudfadi2000 on

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Grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy by proofreading your essay to correct spelling mistakes, punctuation, and grammar errors.
Coherence
Strengthen the coherence by using more linking words to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. It helps to illustrate your arguments better.
Introduction & Conclusion
Refine your thesis statement and conclusions to clearly reflect your opinion and summarize the discussed points.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives of who should be punished for juvenile crimes, showing understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion mentions the importance of a collaborative solution, which is a balanced approach to the topic.
Coherence
There's an attempt to provide rationale behind both viewpoints, offering a fair discussion of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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