IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people are using smartphones? What are the causes? Is it a positive or negative statement?

#people #smartphones
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Numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
Number
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 of youngsters are regularly spending
time
Use synonyms
 on their mobile phones. I think
such
Linking Words
 kinds of devices are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
part of every generation
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
the worst habit if they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 dishonestly like wasting their
time
Use synonyms
 by playing online games for money and visiting illegal websites.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
show examples
 reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are the indifference of parents and the impact of peers
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them .Kinds of technological stuff's design is increasing significantly and being on trend. Every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to lead fashion.
For example
Linking Words
, THE UZBEK
TIME
Use synonyms
 newspapers announced that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of teenagers are utilizing more
phoned
Replace the word
phones
show examples
 than old-aged ones. First of all, there are some merits of possessing personal phones including learning foreign languages online and reading e-books. By doing
such
Linking Words
 kinds of activities they widen their horizon and broaden their perspectives by using
time
Use synonyms
 wisely.In future their intelligence will help them to work in high-reputed offices for valuable salaries.
Then
Linking Words
 their parents see positive outcomes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children.
For instance
Linking Words
, Uzbek researchers show that most immigrants are departing for
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and study by learning foreign languages from online websites.
However
Linking Words
, I consider that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have personal phones are really into utilizing technology with negative purposes to waste their
time
Use synonyms
 by playing online games with
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and even in the position of without money they continue
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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debt of folks
Subsequently
Linking Words
 , they have more debts from others. The reason for
this
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 negligence of their households
otherwise
Linking Words
 they are being templates . By way of conclusion, every
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
show examples
 lives are related to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 technologies in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
 routine.By utilizing them individuals
operating
Wrong verb form
operate
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and projects. They are meeting distantly online on
What's
Correct article usage
the What's
show examples
up
Capitalize word
Up
show examples
 programme.But its disadvantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
You clearly understand the task, but try to provide more specific and developed responses to each part of the question.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each idea is well-connected to the main argument with clear examples and explanations to enhance comprehension.
task achievement
You addressed both causes and effects as required by the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, which help structure your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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