IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the 21st century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. What are the advantages and the disadvantages?

#st #century #contact #parts #world #air #travel #telecommunications
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The means of international and global
communication
Use synonyms
 became readily available with the new
technologies
Use synonyms
 and transport ,
such
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 as aeroplanes , mobile phones and chat applications.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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 statement has both benefits
nad
Correct your spelling
and
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 drawbacks which will be discussed
further
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 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are a few downsides to improved global
communication
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 and transportation
technologies
Use synonyms
. One of the significant
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
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 is the
technologies
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 because many people addicted to
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 telecommunications when they sit at home or
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
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 place so it leads to
Correct article usage
a lacks
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lacks
Wrong verb form
lack
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 the emotional
via
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apply
show examples
connection of face-to -face interactions
as a result
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, they will face
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle which can lead to diseases like heart or dates as well. Another issue caused by increased relationships between parts of the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to
Correct article usage
the lose
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lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
Change preposition
of
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unique culture. Increased levels of internationalisation provoked by accessible air travel
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to various tribes and societies getting mixed heritage and traditions
are being faded
Wrong verb form
fading
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 away.
However
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, there are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
numerous points to make in favour of improvements in global
communication
Use synonyms
technologies
Use synonyms
.
Firts
Correct your spelling
First
nad
Correct your spelling
and
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 foremost, there are more advantageous for people to exchange cultures and traditions with people who live
Change preposition
in another
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another
Replace the adjective
other
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 parts of the world, leading to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 understanding and appreciation of diverse cultures.
For instance
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, virtual
communication
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 platforms like Zoom or Skype enable
cross cultural
Add a hyphen
cross-cultural
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 friendships.
Furthermore
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, telecommunications have enabled global companies to collaborate in
real -time
Add a hyphen
real-time
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, increasing productivity and economic growth. In conclusion , it is time that close international relationships both in terms of transport and
communication
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,
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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 some problems
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 cultural loss and addiction to
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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.
While
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 there are
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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merits like cultural exchange and economic growth should not be overlooked.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a structured response. However, work on connecting ideas more fluidly between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
There are some clear ideas presented, but they're not always comprehensively developed. Focus on expanding and linking each point to the main topic more clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of global communication and travel effectively, reflecting a balanced view.
task achievement
The use of examples (such as Zoom and Skype) positively supports the advantages of global communication technology, demonstrating the relevance to the modern world.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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