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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Currently, many
people
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 who struggle with health issues are increasingly adopting a perspective of resorting to home remedies and alternative drugs
instead
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 of paying visits to a physician.
This
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 approach is harmful to one's health and could result in one's death.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will analyze the negative impacts of
this
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 attitude in terms of the
role
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 of
doctors
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 in critical situations and the complexity of illnesses.
Firstly
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, a doctor's job is irreplaceable in critical times
such
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 as the breakout of pandemics.
For instance
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, in 2020,the world witnessed the sweeping
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
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 pandemic which was a threat to
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives. It
also
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 led to the deaths of thousands of
people
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. In
such
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 a tough situation, medical specialists were the compass to
patients
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 since they set guidelines
to
Change preposition
for
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people
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 to comply.
Moreover
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, they prescribed a course of medications that was highly effective in saving millions of lives. They used to work around the clock in hospitals and clinics to receive
patients
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. Obviously, neither natural treatments nor home remedies could be of
such
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 help. It was the heroic
role
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 of the
doctors
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.
Secondly
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, the complexity of some diseases necessitates paying regular visits to a medical practitioner. To illustrate, a natural alternative can be utilized for ailments
such
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 as headaches and stomachaches.
In contrast
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, complex illnesses,
such
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 as diabetes or heart strokes, always require the interference of
doctors
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 as they require regular examinations and sometimes
undergoing
Verb problem
apply
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surgeries. Another example is cancer
patients
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 who often undergo chemotherapy. They cannot solely rely on organic food and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 routine as cancer is not a simple ailment. It is necessary for cancer
patients
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 to
follow-up
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follow up
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 with their
doctors
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 who have
the-state-of-the-art
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state-of-the-art
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 medical equipment that accurately
diagnose
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diagnoses
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 the cases and
ensure
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ensures
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 their recovery.
To conclude
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,
although
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 several
people
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 feel anxious about going to their physician and prefer to find a substitution,
this
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 might lead to the deterioration of their health. It is obvious that if it was not for the
doctors
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'
role
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 in times of hazardous pandemics and
with
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apply
show examples
serious illnesses, many
people
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 would have lost their lives.
Therefore
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, a doctor's
role
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 cannot be replaced by other alternatives.

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task achievement
Your essay offers a robust response to the prompt, thoroughly exploring the reasons why resorting solely to alternative medicines can be negative. Make sure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates back to the question.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a clear and logical progression, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the connections between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides specific and relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and diseases like diabetes and cancer, to support its arguments.
coherence cohesion
A well-rounded introduction and conclusion frame the essay, with conclusions clearly restating the central argument and summarizing key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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