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Band 5.5

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
Currently, many
people
 who struggle with health issues are increasingly adopting a perspective of resorting to home remedies and alternative drugs
instead
 of paying visits to a physician.
This
 approach is harmful to one's health and could result in one's death.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will analyze the negative impacts of
this
 attitude in terms of the
role
 of
doctors
 in critical situations and the complexity of illnesses.
Firstly
, a doctor's job is irreplaceable in critical times
such
 as the breakout of pandemics.
For instance
, in 2020,the world witnessed the sweeping
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic which was a threat to
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. It
also
 led to the deaths of thousands of
people
. In
such
 a tough situation, medical specialists were the compass to
patients
 since they set guidelines
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 to comply.
Moreover
, they prescribed a course of medications that was highly effective in saving millions of lives. They used to work around the clock in hospitals and clinics to receive
patients
. Obviously, neither natural treatments nor home remedies could be of
such
 help. It was the heroic
role
 of the
doctors
.
Secondly
, the complexity of some diseases necessitates paying regular visits to a medical practitioner. To illustrate, a natural alternative can be utilized for ailments
such
 as headaches and stomachaches.
In contrast
, complex illnesses,
such
 as diabetes or heart strokes, always require the interference of
doctors
 as they require regular examinations and sometimes
undergoing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
surgeries. Another example is cancer
patients
 who often undergo chemotherapy. They cannot solely rely on organic food and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 routine as cancer is not a simple ailment. It is necessary for cancer
patients
 to
follow-up
Correct your spelling
follow up
show examples
 with their
doctors
 who have
the-state-of-the-art
Correct your spelling
state-of-the-art
show examples
 medical equipment that accurately
diagnose
Change the verb form
diagnoses
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 the cases and
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
 their recovery.
To conclude
,
although
 several
people
 feel anxious about going to their physician and prefer to find a substitution,
this
 might lead to the deterioration of their health. It is obvious that if it was not for the
doctors
'
role
 in times of hazardous pandemics and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious illnesses, many
people
 would have lost their lives.
Therefore
, a doctor's
role
 cannot be replaced by other alternatives.
Submitted by mahmoudbenjawad on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a robust response to the prompt, thoroughly exploring the reasons why resorting solely to alternative medicines can be negative. Make sure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates back to the question.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a clear and logical progression, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the connections between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides specific and relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and diseases like diabetes and cancer, to support its arguments.
coherence cohesion
A well-rounded introduction and conclusion frame the essay, with conclusions clearly restating the central argument and summarizing key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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