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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is becoming more and more difficult to eacape the influence of the media on our lives.  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.

#eacape #influence #media #lives #society
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In contemporary society ,
people
 can't imagine their
lives
 without technology. I believe , that it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 huge issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our community and in
this
 essay , I will discuss
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
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 and pros of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 difficulties.
Firstly
 ,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the improvements in the
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
 it become more complicated to change our
lives
 so we can live without any technology.
People
 use multimedia to share their
lives
 and see others , in some way of thinking it is
sort
Correct article usage
a sort
show examples
 of communication , they get used to not
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 up with friends or any relatives ,
instead
 they decide to chat and get touch in
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 virtual community.
This
 leads to not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychological addiction obviously creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties but
also
 affecting
people
's
live
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lives
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.
On the other hand
 ,for the majority of
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it has become easier to go through their
lives
 with
such
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
.
For instance
 , nowadays we can easily predict
weather
Add an article
the weather
show examples
 just by looking at the forecast
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our devices
as a result
 we won't lose any time figuring out the exact temperature outside. With the help of modern
technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
show examples
 individuals can easily check
worlwide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 news and learn whatever they
whant
Correct your spelling
want
. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, even though many
people
 tend to get addicted to media ,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others try to use current media in the right way
consequently
 making their
lives
 more simpleness to live.
Submitted by salyarzayeva on

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task achievement
Expand your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments more persuasive and your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are fully developed to ensure clarity; sometimes your points can be a bit vague or general.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences more effectively to make the structure of paragraphs clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Check your introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly present and wrap up your main points. You are on the right track, but they can be enhanced.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which sets a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
You have tackled the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is very important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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