IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging business and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many
cities
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,
problems
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 associated with overpopulation are increasingly common. Some governments are now inspiring citizens to
move
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 from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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. I personally believe that
while
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 in rural
areas
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,
people
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 do not get enough modern
facilities
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, the benefits of
this
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 outweigh the drawbacks because the
load
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 of
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population
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the population
show examples
 will be reduced, and the associated
problems
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 will be reduced in
cities
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. If
people
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move
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 from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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, they will not get enough modern
facilities
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 in rural
areas
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 which they can access in
cities
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. In rural
areas
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, there
are
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is
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 a lack of
facilities
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 which are available in urban
areas
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such
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 as better education, employment and healthcare opportunities, developed infrastructure and better entertainment options.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, many
people
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move
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 from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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 because
cities
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 are
densly
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densely
 populated, and they feel exhausted there. The things they only miss are the modern
facilities
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.
However
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,
this
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 trend of moving from urban
areas
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 to rural
areas
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 helps to decrease the
population
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load
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 in
cities
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. The
load
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 of
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population
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the population
show examples
 will be reduced if
people
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move
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 from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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.
Cities
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 are overpopulated, and that causes several
problems
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 like shortage of accommodation and food, increase in the expense of daily necessities, and
problems
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 in maintaining the safety of citizens. These
problems
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 only arise because of overpopulation. If
people
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move
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 from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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, these
problems
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 will be addressed and reduced.
For example
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, in Melbourne, Australia, many
people
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move
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 from
cities
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 to regional
areas
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 because of the high accommodation expense in
cities
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, and it helps to reduce up to 15% of
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population
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the population
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 every year in
cities
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that moving from
cities
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 to regions helps to decrease the
load
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 of
population
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 in
cities
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. In conclusion,
although
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 moving from
cities
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 to rural
areas
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 does not provide
with
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apply
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enough modern
facilities
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, the advantages of
this
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 do not outweigh the disadvantages because it helps to reduce the
population
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 in
cities
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 and the associated
problems
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.

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coherence cohesion
Incorporate more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of the essay and ensure a smoother connection between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully elaborated with sufficient supporting details and examples to further solidify the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement, which sets the stage for the discussion in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay responds well to the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of people moving from cities to rural areas, clearly indicating the writer's position.
task achievement
Good use of real-world examples, such as Bangladesh and Melbourne, to support main points and illustrate the essay's arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • urban congestion
  • relocate
  • redistribution
  • demographic density
  • economic growth
  • regional inequalities
  • sustainable development
  • stimulate economic growth
  • overburdened
  • quality of urban life
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