IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should be at least 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #years #drive #car
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Many countries follow
up
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apply
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strict
rules
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 and regulations to keep their town's
traffic
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-free movement inside the city areas. People are only allowed to drive a car after his/her 21st year of
age
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. I fully support
this
Linking Words
 statement that the
traffic
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control
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department
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 has to
making
Change the verb
make
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 strict
rules
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 and regulations against driving a car before the 21st year of
age
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 without a permit which will be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
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 the looming paragraph
In addition
Linking Words
, many cities are full of cars on the road with some road blockage in many areas because an individual is not aware of
traffic
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
rules
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 properly and every one people are using an individual using the car for their business work purpose. The transportation division has to
making
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make
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 an arrangement for buses and trains inside
town
Add an article
the town
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 for the individual to
control
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 the
traffic
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.the person below
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Add an article
the age
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age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 of 21st it
os
Correct your spelling
is
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 only permitted to
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 bicycles inside the city to reduce pollution.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, If premature people are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
control
Use synonyms
rules
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then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 may be a chance to increase road accidents on highways,for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example In European countries prohibited to issue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 driving licence to individuals before the 21st year of
age
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
Change the verb form
controlling
show examples
control
Use synonyms
Traffic
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 in our own country is everyone's responsibility and to support the
traffic
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control
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department
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 and pollution
control
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department
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 to reduce the
traffic
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 in town and free from pollution and
also
Linking Words
 the transportation
department
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to
strict
Add a missing verb
be strict
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 in issuing the driving licence or permitted individual before ages of 21st.
Submitted by bhimani_nilesh3186 on

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task achievement
While you introduced the topic and gave your opinion clearly, the reasoning could be expanded with more depth and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay could be better organized, with clearer connections between ideas.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance in your introduction and address the task directly.
coherence cohesion
You have a conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • mature decisions
  • biological maturity
  • fully developed brain
  • judgment
  • impulse control
  • accident statistics
  • inexperience
  • risk-taking behavior
  • insurance premiums
  • public transportation
  • environmentally beneficial
  • traffic congestion
  • early independence
  • learning curve
  • experience
  • overall driving skills
What to do next:
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