IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend out weigh the advantages.

#technologies #children #time #trend
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Nowadays,
progress
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the progress
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 of
technology
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lead
Wrong verb form
has led
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 to
change
Correct article usage
a change
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our
Change preposition
in our
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Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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.We can sense
this
Linking Words
 change in all layers of
life
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 particularly in
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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life
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.As we know these changes
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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in to
Join the words
into
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 their free
time
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 and they spend more
time
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 with
technology
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.
However
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, there are both pros and cons to
to spend
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spending
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 more
time
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 with
technology
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 .In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss some of the reasons
about
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
issue
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.
Lets
Correct subject-verb agreement
Let
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begin
Correct pronoun usage
us begin
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 by looking at the advantages of
spend
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spending
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 more
time
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 with
technology
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.
Thesedays
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These days
 our
life
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 depends on
technology
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 and we should know more about
this
Linking Words
 to
handel
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handle
 our daily needs.
Its
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It is
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significent
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significant
significance
 for
children
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 to learn these technologies from low
ages
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age
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.What I mean, Its
best
Correct article usage
the best
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time
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 for learning
this
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issue
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 and their minds
is
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are
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 ready
for
Change preposition
to
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 learn and accept these
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Secondely
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Secondly
,
This
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 action can improve
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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 talent and it would be a way to develop their personality.
In other words
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 , There are some challenges in
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use
Change the form of the verb
using
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 new
technology
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 that can exercise their mind to learn it. Turning to the other side of the argument,spending
time
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 with
thecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 can
effectvely
Correct your spelling
effectively
in to
Join the words
into
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 their activity and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lead to
lazy
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a lazy
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
In addition
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, when they focus more
in
Change preposition
on using
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use
Use synonyms
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
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technology
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 they do not want to spend
time
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to work
Change the verb form
working
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 out or
some
Add a missing verb
doing some
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activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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such
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 as
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 with their toys. Another
issue
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 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it can influence
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to
Change preposition
apply
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their relationships with friends and family.
when
Capitalize word
When
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 they can not
controll
Correct your spelling
control
 their free
time
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 to spend more
time
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 with these
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 out from their relatives.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they can not learn how to manage their relationships in old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. All things
considred
Correct your spelling
considered
,spending
time
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 with new
technology
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 is
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
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 today and
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 particularly for
children
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 to learn and
use
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 it.Personally, I believe with
create
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creating
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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daily
ascheme
Correct your spelling
a scheme
scheme
 to manage
free
Add an article
the free
a free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 of
children
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 to
use
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 enough,its significantly to be up to date for
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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introduction conclusion present
Improve your introduction by clearly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, rather than just stating the issue.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help make your argument more persuasive and relatable.
logical structure
Maintain a clear and consistent structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
complete response
You've addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of children spending more time with technology, showing a balanced view.
logical structure
Using connectors like 'On the other hand' and 'Therefore' helps in linking ideas effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Identifying various impacts on children's mind development and social skills shows a comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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